Life is in these few seconds.

Life shifts in a few seconds. The choices I make in those few seconds between an event and my reaction create the movie I live. The microcosm in the macrocosm of my process all comes down to a few seconds. Life is in these few seconds.

Colour Illustration

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Self Love Being

I have given my warrior purpose, my pirate soul freedom, my conqueror prospects, my dragon skies to fly and in this my rebel voice, all united in self love.

Words mine, artist unknown.

#MyRebellionIsSelfLove

Officially introducing my hashtag campaign: #MyRebellionIsSelfLove

For me self love is the most important ‘act’ of rebellion, which is instead- simply being 😊❤️

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram to see more!

Instagram: @lovingandcelebratingmen

Twitter: @KristalDGarcia

Innate Being

Illusions of fear, yes, for what am I afraid of when I grip myself with it so tight? Is it the unknown? Fear of loss of love the broken altar on which I sacrifice my authenticity, only to remind myself my innate inheritance- in fact what makes up my very being -is love. If there is nowhere to run to in order to experience love, then the truth must be there is no one to run from to experience it either.

The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry

My latest video on my YouTube show ‘Celebrating The Love of Being’: The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry-

Click here to watch the video=> The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry

To me, the sex industry is a flashy form of sexual repression.

This is my conversation of bursting the bubble of the illusion that the sex industry is ’empowering’ without coming from a space of shaming sex workers or clients or the anti-sex industry convo. Everyone is exactly where they need to be in what is right for them.

What I have seen missing in both pro-sex industry & anti-sex industry conversations has been some grounding in the reality of the impact of sex industry from one, & the shaming of sexuality from the other convo. I am in neither conversation & so I have a unique view. I come from about 10 years of experience of working in the ‘adult’ industry.

Moving forward, society having access to the conversation ‘the sex industry is not necessary’ makes a difference for me simply to bring forth. I believe people deserve better than the sex industry. I feel in society we push the dangerous lie ‘the sex industry is needed’ by telling people it’s ’empowering’ or ‘no one will love you’ & that to me is a cruel lie. Everyone IS love. In my experience love is innate, empowerment is from within and people don’t have to pay to pretend someone loves them. That is just cruel.

This is vulnerable for me to speak and come forward about my experience in the sex industry. It’s not an easy conversation for me to speak on and to me it is very important to share. I have nothing to fight, rally against or prove, I am simply sharing my experience. People deserve better than the sex industry, people deserve themselves.

 

Mindfulness & The Garden

Even in anger I can find expression if I choose mindfulness. If I choose to not be mindful then I truly miss out my bravado is then a show simply for myself as it is clear to everyone else what I have chosen. Which yes is fine too and I’m the one who misses out on the vibrant gardens waiting in my blindspots asking me to come play, breathe and bathe in my own aliveness. Treasure waiting for me will then have to wait until next time when the call brings me to its precipice again. I challenge myself each time in hopes I get to choose the garden. I like gardens, especially when gardens are being shared with me. What a beautiful invitation.

Photo by unknown

‘Respect My Pain’: When Trauma Becomes Domination

There have been times in my life where I came from this space, albeit unconsciously, where I was using my pain as a form of hiding and domination. Rather than going into my pain to listen, learn and heal, I wrapped myself up in a cloak of pain to be ‘right’ about it. What I mean by being ‘right’ about my pain was that because it was my pain it was something that I could be a self declared authority over. In this, no matter how someone came forward and tried to support me seeing a path out of my pain and into self care, self love and joy, I could always shut them down because ‘How could you know what I have gone through?’. I could then prostrate and demand respect for my position of pain and feel completely justified in shutting down the voices of healthy people coming to me with love and reminding me of my innate power and joy. I could then stand atop my victim mentality mountain and slay whoever came to me trying to show me a path to freedom from the suffering and turmoil I was cycling. For, how dare they not respect my pain? With that mentality anyone who came to me with love was a villain and I the hero.

This was an addiction. Painful things happen in life, no one is alone in this, no one is extraordinary in this. I certainly was not extraordinary for feeling pain, though I seemed to be telling myself I was. I was using my trauma as a way to feel extraordinary- this is backwards. It was the trauma that was calling me as an alarm clock to remember my innate being, the trauma itself was not my innate being. To confuse the alarm as ‘the way’, was stunting for me. To wear my trauma as a medal did not work. Pain is not wrong or bad, it is a call for self care. It is a necessesary emotion and when felt can even be a beautiful experience of self care. When wallowed in, it can become an addictive cycle. For me when I felt the pain but could not move on from it nor find actions rooted in self care, I had become addicted. Feeling pain, truly feeling it with intent to move through, transmutes into a deep body connect and connection with innate joy and love that is always present and easily accessed when allowed. If I’m not allowing myself to move through and into the love and joy, I have become addicted to the cycle of pain and whatever I’m getting out of it. I saw that I had become addicted to the attention I got when I played victim- victim currency. I had become obsessed with receiving the ‘poor you’ and ‘look how strong you are!’ when I played victim.

An addict never wants to know they are an addict. So when people came to me and were a stand for me to be free from my own suffering and addicted cycles of pain, I lashed out at them from my victim mountain. And self righteously shamed them with ‘you have no idea what this feels like how dare you question my victimhood!’, in so many words. Think about that, I lashed out at the people who came to me with love, who were standing for me to be free from my self abusive pain cycling. I was so addicted to my pain cycles it was gluttonous. I was abusing pain. Pain is not meant to be lassoed like that and harnessed, it is meant to be free to move through and move on until it’s next visit. It was like I was holding pain hostage against it’s will and purpose. And since the pain was my own feeling, a part of my own experience, I was holding myself hostage against my own true will and purpose. Fighting to stay away from my heart and my own love in the process. For, if I were to meet my own heart, I would have to let the pain process go. I would have to allow myself to be free and present to my innate joy. I would be able to see those who loved me who were inviting me out into the sun to enjoy the world with them, to enjoy the world with myself. If I were to meet my own heart, I would have to be present to the real beauty of life and place down my addictive shackles. And so I did. Because I’m worth it.

I don’t have to respect a persons pain, that is not compassion that is enabling. I respect the person themselves as I respect myself. To me respect means seeing each human being as powerful and capable of choosing. Even if it is the addiction they choose. I’m not here to enable, I am here to stand in knowing love. From my own self care, I trust each persons journey and trust myself to not enable