A Voice Silenced

The whole reason I’ve been sharing the raw honest pain of the impact of the sex industry is because a friend of mine has had to shut down her voice to stay safe. I wanted to find a way to give her voice in sharing my experience but I didn’t share why I have opened to share like this and so I missed acknowledging the source for all of this conversation and the inspiration for everyone taking a moment to take an honest look at themselves, myself included. She is the reason I have been speaking up. Knowing her pain I had to look and speak up so people will see, the porn industry is not harmless ‘entertainment’. Her powerful voice that spoke up about the raw brutal impact of the sex industry now has to stay hidden because of the sex industry. Think about that.

I know the path of porn addiction does not end with the addict. It rips into the lives of all those involved and the families of those involved too. The reach goes beyond immediate circle and leaves repercussions in society. Porn addiction feeds the sex industry which in turn rips apart people’s lives. There is a deep and painful impact to porn and I guarantee someone close to you is silently suffering.

My friend’s voice on what she has to say about this:

“Pornography use is a life-damaging habit that affects not only the user but also the user’s family and friends. There are many good reasons to take a considerate look at its effects. For example, pornography has been proven to cause or contribute to the following:

Decreased sensitivity toward sexual partners.

Decreased sensitivity and increased tolerance of sexually graphic material.

Increased exposer to incorrect information about human sexuality.

Increased issues in developing unhealthy views about intimacy.

Increase in aggressive or violent in sexual practices.

Increased in sexual abusive toward others.

Increased rise in damaging self behavior.

In addition to the research-based consequences listed above, pornography use may cause feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and shame. It will keep one from living a spiritual life and will interfere self care and healthy practices. It is a saboteur of hopes, dreams, and aspirations. It takes us out of our sacred temples and creates addictive sexual behavior that effects the same part of our brains as opioid abuse.

The subtle touch of a breeze, the hold of a hand.

A love for and with all things precious and innocent being felt by and cared for our sacred inner temples. That is where I am existing free of an industry that has destroyed countless relationships in my life. I am sticking with the trees and the wind. Thank you to everyone who has been a loving friend and has been a part of me just being me.



Here’s An Illusion Breaker: No One Needs Porn.

I have first hand seen effects of the lie being pushed onto men that they need the sex industry/porn, I have lived it I have had the tears on my chest from it. I have worked with male sex workers, clientele, I have absolutely listened to the male perspective, the men that have had their lives destroyed and are not given voice.

I have seen the effects of women being told the sex industry/porn is ’empowering’. I have seen the broken bodies, the pain, the regret. I have seen the desire to self express be harnessed for the sex industry machine. I have listened to and lived the female perspective.

Here’s an illusion breaker: No one needs porn. Biggest lie that feeds the sex industry is that the sex industry is necessary. It is not. And that statement will be confronting until the conversation of being with, exploring, knowing self becomes more exciting than the avoidance addiction of the sex industry/porn.


The Impact Of The Sex Industry Embraced As ‘Normal’

In conversations for simplicity I say ‘Yes, I was a sex worker’. Though it is not my identity. I have been and always will be: Kristal. No less, no more, just me. Not a fantasy, just me.

I could go on to explain why I was in the sex industry and at the end of the day, I have done that enough and it doesn’t matter. The ‘Why’ doesn’t matter so much anymore as that will always be interpreted in a myriad of ways. The reality is there is an impact. I had an impact on others and people feeding the sex industry and pornography machine had an impact on me.

When I didn’t make as much money because I felt bad about asking for lap dances in the club or for upcharging as an escort I took that on as I was broken, or the times I didn’t make money it was because I was ugly or I needed a boob job. I used the sex industry as a basis for what was ‘normal’ and I fell short. The shame was reflected back to me.

There is an impact when the sex industry is embraced as normality.


I Was A Sex Addict

I was a sex addict. And I live in a society that praised me for it, called me ’empowered’ for it, ‘powerful’ for it.Yet I would go home, spend my days in bed depressed not knowing why. And do it all over again. Sometimes I wouldn’t eat, just drink alcohol. When I speak about ‘sex addiction’ the term itself is objectified and I am met with people who get excited about the thought. Yes, sex addiction has become exciting for people. My suffering, my pain, my disconnect, someone was using to get off on. Myself included.

It took me years to detox from the mentality and mannerisms of the sex industry and get honest with myself. I was violating my own body with my touch. It was like I wasn’t even touching myself I was enacting upon myself. It wasn’t tender self exploration or love, my own touch was violence. I would do it several times a day even if I hurt myself.

Sex addiction is not ‘sexy’ it is painful, I suffered.


Speaking Up About The Sex Industry

When I speak up about the impact of the sex industry/pornography I am most often met with defense. I will keep talking about it, however. I am not ‘anti-porn’ as to me that is the same conversation of ‘pro-porn’ because it feeds shame and shame is, after all, what keeps the sex industry alive.

There is a very real impact of perpetuated pain, addiction, and self loathing that the sex industry keeps alive. I know because I was a part of it. I both dealt and received pain and I had to numb myself with alcohol and lie to myself to stay in it.

There is a sort of despair that I notice comes up for people who actually can hear the impact of the sex industry/porn yet feel lost without it. I believe this is often the same despair that often fuels the defense of the industry. Which brings me great sadness. We are so used to the pacifier of the sex industry we have forgotten that we hold wisdom within. There is no wisdom in the sex industry. Everything I ‘learned’ there I could have found with meditation without the wounding.

The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry

My latest video on my YouTube show ‘Celebrating The Love of Being’: The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry-

Click here to watch the video=> The Unnecessity of the Sex Industry

To me, the sex industry is a flashy form of sexual repression.

This is my conversation of bursting the bubble of the illusion that the sex industry is ’empowering’ without coming from a space of shaming sex workers or clients or the anti-sex industry convo. Everyone is exactly where they need to be in what is right for them.

What I have seen missing in both pro-sex industry & anti-sex industry conversations has been some grounding in the reality of the impact of sex industry from one, & the shaming of sexuality from the other convo. I am in neither conversation & so I have a unique view. I come from about 10 years of experience of working in the ‘adult’ industry.

Moving forward, society having access to the conversation ‘the sex industry is not necessary’ makes a difference for me simply to bring forth. I believe people deserve better than the sex industry. I feel in society we push the dangerous lie ‘the sex industry is needed’ by telling people it’s ’empowering’ or ‘no one will love you’ & that to me is a cruel lie. Everyone IS love. In my experience love is innate, empowerment is from within and people don’t have to pay to pretend someone loves them. That is just cruel.

This is vulnerable for me to speak and come forward about my experience in the sex industry. It’s not an easy conversation for me to speak on and to me it is very important to share. I have nothing to fight, rally against or prove, I am simply sharing my experience. People deserve better than the sex industry, people deserve themselves.


 The Dangerous Reality That is ‘Tantra’

I’ve reached a boiling point with the ‘Tantric’ discussion. It’s time for a conversation of awareness and self care to awaken in society. Somehow we’ve come to idolize Porn Stars as the epitome of what it is to be a human being. Porn Stars as human beings are people and their choice is theirs I don’t shame them for it. What I’m speaking to is the sex addiction in our society that we have come to praise the sex industry as if it is a symbol of freedom and sexual empowerment or even the ultimate way to be. It is neither, nor is it even original. The sex industry in my experience is a black hole of pain that hurts people yet exists as a bandaid in society for what I believe we all contribute to in our own unconsciousness.

So called ‘Tantra’ which is not actually Tantra it is the bastardization of an ancient tradition that I myself am not schooled in. Listening to those who have actually been schooled in Tantra and are pure in knowledge and coming from my own experience in the sex industry, what I see being paraded as ‘Tantra’ is nothing more than very sneaky porn.

What’s even a bit more twisted is the flowery language and gaslighting that is being used in the name of ‘spirituality’ in the ‘Tantric’ conversation. Often in the name of the ‘goddess’. Primarily men are spoken to as if they are not good enough for women and they must be fixed to serve women. The sacred masculine is hardly if ever addressed and when he is, it is only to shame him for ‘patriarchy’ and somehow he must atone for his seemingly original sin of being born male. It is done with much bravado and in the guise of ‘helping men’ to be ‘better lovers’ while completely dismissing the hearts of men and that men are full beings beyond their bodies. These ‘Tantric’ conversations feign caring about men and making men happy when actually they treat men as a tool to make women happy and disregard their own happiness. It doesn’t ’empower’ male sexuality, it dominates male sexuality. Only men can say what feels right for them sexually and not just sexually, from their hearts. Enough of the conversations that objectify men for their sex while ignoring their hearts. It’s a violation of their boundaries and a man’s ‘No’ matters. His boundaries matter. Men are not here to ‘serve the goddess’, which is a paraphrased way of saying to ‘serve women’ as if men’s needs do not also matter. A man’s needs matter, he matters, his heart matters. His ‘No’ matters. Men your sexuality is not lacking for being a male, your sexuality is important and beautiful as is your heart, mind and soul. I honor all that you are. You are not just a body to be objectified and I am sorry that as a society we have fallen behind on honoring you in all of your glory. I see a change on the horizon, however.

As for the ‘Tantric’ approach towards woman, it relies heavily on shaming women for not wanting to have their sexual boundaries violated. These ‘Tantric’ retreats shame women who do not want to be naked in front of people or groups or have their bodies touched or filmed for the sake of ‘education’. These ‘Tantric teachers’ use the word ‘wounding’ to refer to women who do not wish to be naked, touched, or have group sex. As if they must ‘graduate’ to their sexual freedom by having sex with or performing sexually in front of a crowd. The amount of pressure and shame that is placed on these women for not getting naked and the wounding that leaves on them is abusive. There is nothing wrong with a woman saying ‘No’ to taking her clothes off. No one can measure a woman’s sexual empowerment. That is the woman’s choice and hers alone. Her boundaries matter. It is completely healthy to not want to get naked in front of a group of strangers. That’s healthy and very normal and yet we in our society treat it as if it’s the opposite. Women, you are not ‘wounded’ for saying ‘No’. You are not ‘wounded’ for trusting your boundaries including your sexual boundaries. You are not less than sexually or otherwise for keeping your clothes on and I am so sorry as a society we have told you otherwise. I include myself and the part I’ve played in leaving women questioning their sexual wholeness for not choosing to divulge their bodies to strangers. You are beautiful just as you are right now in this moment and I honor you in your entirety.

These ‘Tantric retreats’ are on the rise.

Men and women who have returned from said retreats after the high dies down often are left feeling violated for doing things in the ‘tantric retreat’ environment they would not have done otherwise. Such is the disregard for the individual outside of the ‘Tantric Guru’s desire to fulfill their own personal fantasies. There are those who have committed suicide after these retreats. This is a very serious matter.

The honeyed words that are used by ‘Tantrics’ to really get into the persons head to manipulate them quickly shifts into gaslighting and pressure to be ‘sexually free’. This is the catch phrase used in our society to promote violation of one’s boundaries. Sexual freedom does not mean having sex with a group of people, or getting naked in front of people. It is extremely rare this is the case for a human being. Most of what is being shown in society as ‘sexual freedom’ is actual sexual repression and sexual addiction. I was a sex addict and there is nothing ‘sexually free’ about it, quite the opposite. It’s like a noose around the neck. It’s an addiction. In my sexual freedom right now I acknowledge my boundaries, tenderness, connect with my own energy, self love and self care regardless of the times I am sexually active or not. There is no self care in sexual addiction. Sexual addiction for me was also a body disconnect. I was so disconnected from my body that whatever I did sexually was ‘OK’. Sexual addiction was sexual repression as I was not being authentic in my sexuality, I was disconnected and not being present with myself or the person I was with. Having lots of sex does not equate to sexual freedom. I was repressed in that I could not be with my sexual energy and I was avoiding my sexual energy by acting out what I thought sexual freedom meant. But it was a painful act and I did not get to actually relate with my own sexual energy. In my sexual addiction I was actually running away from my sexual energy. The hyper sex drive also had fear infused in it. Fear of sex so hurry up, have it, run away and pretend all of that was ‘fun’ or ‘wild’ to try and prove to myself I was free. There is no freedom in sexual addiction. 

I’m not a therapist and I believe my sexual addiction was rooted from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. With therapy and self care I now have healthy boundaries, self worth and self value and just would not get naked in front of strangers. Nor would I allow anyone to touch my body for even so called ‘sexual education’, nor would I go to one of these ‘Tantric retreats’ and watch other people do this. In the sex industry I violated a lot of relationships by giving space for the person to cheat, both men and women. I had to face that in myself and get honest with the space I created. In all of this I was unconsciously hurting myself and drank heavily to numb myself to the fact I was violating my own boundaries. I also left women questioning themselves for not doing what I did, as if they were not capable women or as if they were not sexy for not being nude in front of strangers. I supported men feeling like they had to pay for kindness and the appearance of intimacy. I left men in pain and addicted to coming back to see me for a temporary ‘fix’ from their pain. Ultimately after all the money they spent I just left men feeling lonely.

I healed my sex addiction and now feel whole and at peace within myself. I am the woman that would be called ‘wounded’ by one of these ‘Tantric gurus’ when in fact I have actually come to a place of healthy boundaries, self care and self love. I would be called ‘wounded’ for saying ‘No’ to showing my naked body, for saying ‘No’ to group sex, for saying ‘No’ to being filmed and touched. I would be shamed as ‘wounded’ for coming to a place of health within myself but I would have been heralded for staying a sex addict and hurting myself. I would have been praised for taking actions rooted in my sexual abuse as a child. Do you see? This is exactly the twisted fallacy I am speaking of that is used to shame women and men to see themselves as ‘broken’ when actually they are taking very good care of themselves and value themselves and their boundaries.
Please take care and trust your own wholeness and what feels right for you. I was in the sex industry for over a decade and I can share that these ‘Tantric’ retreats are just as dangerous and abusive. These ‘Tantrics’, are doing the opposite of what a good therapist could achieve. There are sexual therapists- and as in anything one needs to weed out those who shame or objectify male and female sexuality- who are actually equipped to support people in sexual discovery. Sexual therapists who are trained in their field to support a person as an individual and support their sexual boundaries in ways that are healthy for the individual. These ‘Tantric teachers’ do not take the time to be with each individuals needs, they have a cookie cutter way of approaching sexuality and dismiss all others as ‘wounded’. Which is a farce that I have just shined a light on here.

Men and women, you are sacred. Mind, body, heart and soul. Your boundaries are beautiful. Trust yourself. You are a treasure. Please be safe, I implore you.