The Body.

To me what I often experience is this. Those who practice a modality, such as Tantra, often begin to work like a body. However, as a body it is always open to getting sick. And as a body each individual makes up the body’s immune system. Now, when the immune system is in integrity it can recognize between pathogens -what actually creates disease, in this instance abuse and abusers, spiritual bypassing, righteous denial and arrogance. which hides abuse- and its own body. When the immune system is out of integrity it cannot distinguish between a pathogen and it’s own body and begins to attack itself.
 
Those standing up to abuse in the Tantric community are very clearly a healthy and vital part of the Tantric body and yet are often met in ‘Tantric’ spaces like they are not. Being a stand for victims, for integrity is a great stand that is for supporting the health of the Tantric body in action which begins in being. When the body senses pathogens it sends out an army of fighter cells to attack in order to keep the body healthy. Those standing for health, safety, the voice of victims and integrity in the Tantric community are only attacking the pathogens NOT the body. Yet is often confused as the other way around.
 
This is my experience as to what is often transpiring in Tantra and in any part of the human community. We are a body. If I am out of integrity with myself, I contribute to the body not being able to distinguish between pathogen and self. It absolutely all comes back to self as in doing my own work.
 
My integrity is a vital part of a healthy body. This is core.
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Words mine, Anatomy art by Juan Gatti.
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Happy Earth Day!: The Human Element

 In the beautiful consciousness of #EarthDay, remembering to love home, to me that starts with self. If I do not respect myself, how can I respect my planet? If I do not see myself as belonging, how can I take accountability for effects of my actions on this soil?
Sometimes environmentalism can get a bit dark in my experience by forgetting the human element. As if people are ‘bad’ or ‘wicked’ or ‘stupid’ for not taking care of the planet. What if they just don’t feel like they belong? What if they just do not have the wisdom or education or know how to know what it means to take care of earth? Or, the self love and self respect to know their actions matter?

To me self love it all comes back to. Those equipped can keep educating all of us on how to best live in harmony with our planet and also, remember, we are the planet too. If we are not in harmony with ourselves, if we cannot love self, no way are we going to be able to understand we matter enough that we impact our planet.

Being kind to the Earth means also being kind to self.

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To Hell With ‘Patriarchy’ Theory

To hell with ‘patriarchy’ theory. It was created by a white woman during the times of the Civil Rights Movement. How disconnected is that? This theory is based on her perception that men just want to dominate women. Well, that may have been her personal viewpoint, that does not make it a perspective to follow as truth.
 
The reality is ‘patriarchy’ theory has been and is being used to completely dominate men. We have used it to silence men from speaking up and disagreeing with being told they are innately criminals or their very makeup is ‘toxic’. We have used ‘patriarchy’ theory to silence male victims. We have used this theory to gaslight men when men say the theory is not true we have called men ‘misogynists’ for coming forward and sharing their pain.
 
LISTEN! Patriarchy theory so ingrained in blaming men for all the ills of the world, for their own victimization. This theory enables and normalizes violence towards men. Creates a sick justification of violence towards men because ‘well they invented patriarchy’. No. Some disconnected woman invented ‘patriarchy theory’ based on her panic driven view on society, men and herself. She wasn’t even connected to the female predator and female victims of female predators.
 
I am calling out ‘patriarchy’ theory as violence towards men. Men are told so much all is their fault, maleness is at fault, that men are left completely silenced when they are victimized especially by women. Men think they are the one’s who did something wrong when a woman raped them and they have no foundation in society to let them know, no, they are not at fault for their rape.
 
We must recognize that men too have suffered throughout time. We MUST listen to the voices of male victims. The lives of men matter, the pain and victimization of men is real.
 
Men your voices matter.
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I started to question: ‘What was insecurity really?…

I had started to question what was ‘insecurity’ really? Was ‘insecure’ a shadow aspect I was not embracing? A personal hidden make wrong on self?

I started to question my own definition and experience of ‘insecure’. This morning listening to a Pema Chodron audio book-who is incredible to listen to-she happened to share she heard someone define:
‘Insecurity is ego’s take on wide opened, unfettered space and we find that [wide opened, unfettered space] uncomfortable.’

Which to me, this definition brings in such a cool new aspect in the convo. I define this wide opened unfettered space as absolute pure possibility. Perhaps in that it is the very essence of life itself! Being with possibility to me is presence or rather, simply being. So, to me ‘insecurity’ is not what I thought. Insecurity is not a story about myself that I needed to debunk. So much bigger beyond the story of having to have a story to fix. But rather, recognizing my discomfort with wide opened, unfettered pace. Now I’m seeing ‘insecurity’ as resistance to impermanence, unfettered space, which to me is- My resistance to possibility. Now it seems ‘insecurity’ may also be any resistance to aliveness!!

So, being in-security is being in the distressing illusion of permanence which is resistance to unlimited possibility! Rather than when, what I had called ‘insecurity’ came up, I had interpreted that as there was some part of me lacking. God this feels refreshing!

For me permanence and security in the sense of having reliability in primary aspects of life such as a place to live, safety for me and mine, and things of this nature are absolutely necessary and vital. And, in my experience, this is not the opposite of ‘insecurity’.

So, let’s say I do address my original definition/story of ‘insecurity’ as me ‘lacking’, as I am so sure that story will come up again at some point lol I am realizing the basis of that experience of ‘insecurity’ is comparison. However, comparison is also not an issue. I now see that different does not mean ‘lacking’ in me, as I shared, I had defined insecurity as ‘lacking’ something. Which with this new experience of ‘insecurity’ I am finally getting that story of ‘lacking’ is just that- a story! Which my god if I bring that to my activism conversations and my judgments that creates a cool new possibility in how I see people!

And, to even not resist lacking lol, where I may be ‘lacking’ it is only to give fuel to my strengths. And should I decide there was something of ‘lack’ that required integrity then I will practice it as integrity while practicing self compassion rather than reprimand. Slowly, gently discovering the self tenderness of growth.

Returning to the conversation of ‘in-security’, resisting that powerful birth place of possibility-which is impermanence- is the very thing that rips me out of the present!

As a human, I have every habit established to not be present lol Rather than resist this and make myself wrong, because I will actually mostly not be present in life, I wonder, what would it look like to practice expanding just a tiny bit of presence? No push to ‘perfect’ -which to me was part of my previous understanding of ‘insecurity’- just an embracement and acknowledgement of what is, where I am now, in a playfulness with possibility.

Charnel Ground

I am on charnel ground. A place very few speak about, for it terrifies the anatomy to sight. An unrecognized sight in a society of normalized numbness. To connect with the body is wealth. The body poverty fed in disconnect I resist as I sit deep in this sacred ground, this undisguised purity calling me to be with mine.

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My ‘dirty secret’

The biggest thing I’m ashamed of is my anger. It’s my ‘dirty secret’. It’s also my biggest disappointment in myself. I’ve been working on it for years and still I am an epic mess with it. It causes me great pain when I go into it. Anger itself is not the issue, anger is beautiful when it is real. Anger is powerful when it is necessary. However, anger is not as necessary as I have been accustomed to thinking it is. Being vulnerable and putting down my mask of anger leaves me with the massive terror that is underneath. Abject fear that quakes my body. Pain I have not met, breaks through. As I work hard to place down my mask of anger I feel naked and even the slightest breeze feels like a hurricane. Yet hurricanes are natures way of creating harmony so I surrender to it’s lesson.

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