Relating With Fear: From Bravado To Trust

Fear often masks itself as bravado- false confidence. While I understand its purpose, I’ve touched on bravado, I find myself expanding beyond this self protection. For me I would rather dive deep into the waters of my fear from a space of exploration. Not stay long, just be present with the visit. Create a relationship with my fear so that I can be present with what it is telling me when it comes up. For me this is how I allow fear to take its path and transmute. Fear can show me a lot about myself. I used to run from looking at fear. Now I know facing my fear gently, allowing vulnerability in my relationship with fear, this is my self care. This is my trust.

Advertisements

The Confrontation Of Identity Death & Rebirth

I face the identity consistently. Within myself and when I am faced with it externally. The identity exists to die and be reborn. When the identity is not allowed to take it’s course, like the Phoenix to burst into flames and be reborn from the ashes, it starts to corrupt, decompose and stink.

With how I have been faced here and the deep judgment on what I share, I am aware that many here are confronted by their perception of me and my stand. I welcome judgment and disagreement by those who are brave enough to actually follow through the experience, through the alchemy to understanding. To me absolute agreement is not required for understanding. Nor support.

I have always been one that has not been a coward when it comes to identity death and rebirth. That does not mean I have not resisted it, I do at times. However, I regularly race into the flames and dare the alchemy to burn away what isn’t.

I have had 7 years of intensive training with a teacher that was about cutting through illusions to seeing the heart of self. Then about 3 years of incredible work with accountable coaches with a clarity, integrity and stand for cutting through stories that stand in the way of the reality of the innate power, heart, community and difference one is.

I do not share this to create some illusion that I have ‘arrived’ as there is no place to arrive and life is ‘self-work’ until the final day. And really not just ‘work’ yet that is an integral piece for me in allowing the beauty of relaxing deeper into being. I do not share this to place myself above nor below anyone. I share this to share.

I am a warrior rooted deeply in my heart.

My stand is only for community, unity, relinquishing of illusion and the allowance of the death and rebirth of identity. I come purely from love, my heart and seeing something greater than me and small shadow tribal mindedness. There is nothing wrong with tribalism until there is. I face the identity beginning with me as that is always the origin is self.

When I speak to people here I come from a place of seeing each individual as powerful and greatness because to me that is truth.

I’m one of the few who runs towards danger not away. I face death threats, hatred more vile than I could have even imagined, told I should be raped and left in a guttter, told I should be lynched, told I am all things evil and vile- and why?

Because damn right I am an absolute threat to the identity.

I face the identity that wants to keep hatred and division in place and call that ‘comfort’. The identity that wants to pretend our differences make us ‘enemies’. I don’t think so. That is a lie. Our differences each have wisdom with the potential of creation in ways only possible in community.

I face hate daily in my conversations and I do so as I sing to the Phoenix-

It’s OK to die, you will be reborn with a splendor.
I am here in my heart and I see you.

Even as the external identity lashes out, I stand. Not against as is often misconstrued, I stand. In the hellfire, unwavering, because I believe in greatness of people and I will absorb no story that tries to pretend otherwise. I stand in the blue flames of hate unwavering not because I hate, I stand because I see past the story, I see a heart and I believe in that heart, I believe in community. I stand in tenderness and I stand in ferocity, as love is all of it.

So, feel free to judge me however you need. I’m not going anywhere. That is not a threat. That is a stand. And I just shared what that stand is.

684ec702536e7c4dcbe0a85701526894

Man & Woman Source Life Together

Man and woman. Both life. Yet, we negate man as a part of life. We travel the length of his lingam to meet our mother’s body and mature. By the miracle of the two of them, and the extraordinary biology still laden with much mystery, we live.
 
Why do we continue to negate the life source that is man?
 
From the beginning of time there has been the love of woman, which is beautiful. Since before language was born. Continuing throughout history most of our literature was written by man and man has always loved woman. Heralded womanhood, protected woman, humbled by the being of woman and even exalted woman above himself as all things innocent in this world.
 
Woman has been the miracle of life…yet, why do we forget that man has been too?
 
For as a human female, I am not capable of asexual reproduction. Fact. If it were not for man, there would be no life. Man is just as vital a source of life.
 
As for the love of woman, why do we still question it exists as well? Our oldest poetry is all about how woman is absolutely everything. Predominantly written by man. How can we not see just how much man treasures woman and how this love for women has always existed?
 
Each existing in the fibers of each other, man and woman are life source together.
man-kiss-woman-adam-art-last-kiss-3d-1080x1920

To My Fellow Black Men & Women: Stop Listening To A Racists View On You.

I noticed in my life I spent a lot of time validating what the racists view on me. I’ve realized: those views are completely insignificant. I believe as the Black community we have spent our lives being told those viewpoints are valid or real above our own true viewpoints of the beauty of who we are.
 
That is incorrect.
 
Here’s what I have found, superiority cannot exist without inferiority at the root. Have you noticed how someone acts when they feel inferior to you? Put downs to bring you down, comparisons to make you feel like you do not hold up, gaslighting every time you succeed or contribute that in fact you did not succeed or contribute. Those racist points of view are NOT who we are. We cannot look to those who feel inferior to give us an accurate view of who we are, nor to those who feel we are superior because both are based on inferiority. Never can we look to anyone, regardless, for an accurate view of who we are.
 
What are the common conversations of us in a society led by racism and with deep roots of racism toward the black community? All of them come back to the view of us as ‘uncivilized’ because our roots are from Africa. Almost as if slavery was an entitlement because we were just ‘uncivilized’ anyway. The myth that we are violent because of our pigmentation, again back to the conversation of us being ‘uncivilized’ because of our skin tone. A lot of this is religiously based with the story of a white God and white Angels and white Jesus and a black devil and all things dark meaning we are evil or bad because we too are dark. The same language is not being used today, yet the connotations are all there. All of this based on the ignorance in misconstruing the metaphor of the shadow.
 
What is uncivilized about our roots in Africa? What is uncivilized about Africa? We all came from Africa. Every single one of us. Our Asian brothers and sisters, Native American, White, Indian, Aboriginal, and of course our Black brothers and sisters. We all come from the same bosom. What is uncivilized about that?
 
History has been brutal throughout and no one exempt from that brutality yet racists would want you to believe -while justifying and ignoring the brutality of slavery and even justifying and ignoring the brutal reality of the Holocaust – they are the one ‘pure’ race. Ha! How freaking ridiculous and delusional is that?? If someone came up to you in a tin foil hat and said ‘I am the one true race’ would you not just laugh in their face at their freaking ridiculousness?? Or even feel pity for them because that is not a healthy normal story and may even be rooted in some type of mental health issue?
 
YET we validate these completely off the rocker ideas being aimed at us! Why? Because we have bought into the viewpoint of us from the eyes of the racist! How can we view ourselves through that viewpoint? We cannot. We will not be able to see the beauty we are in this world and in society daily. I lived that for so long comparing myself to the way racists viewed me and it was excruciatingly painful. I wanted to just give up. I felt defeated. I felt ugly. I felt gross. I felt inferior.
 
There was no way I could see myself succeeding with allowing those racist views to ride on my back. No way I could reach for joy in who I was with allowing myself to be painted with hatred as if it were a true mirror of who I was. No way I could let my voice squeeze from my throat while I let myself wrap that hate to choke myself silent. I watched as statistics were used as weapons to continue to tell me what a brutal uncivilized dark witch I was. Yet watched as the same racists fed me dollars to take my clothes off for them. Watched as my sisters were brutalized in ‘amateur’ porn and hyper-sexualized as the ‘horny black woman’. Watched as these racists called me a nigger in one breath then told me how ‘sexy’ I was in the next.
 
You tell me: Why would I continue to live from the view of people who hate me? Also, their hatred of me has NOTHING to do with me, nor you my fellow Black brothers and sisters. Absolutely nothing! Though we have been told that it does, we keep being fed that it does, that the racism aimed at us is justified. We keep being told to eat that sickness as if it is meant for us as if we deserve it as if we must to be ‘allowed’ to be among the racist. As if it is a privilege to be among racists and this is the price we must pay.
 
I say NO MORE!
 
The racists’ hatred projected onto us has NOTHING to do with us! Hatred is born within. It is something we all feel at one point or another. Yet it is a feeling to be transmuted and release or it becomes poison. The racist is irresponsible with their hatred, just like any violent person is. Someone’s hate of me, no matter how sure they believe it is about me, has nothing to do with me and has nothing to do with you. We have been taught to believe racism is about us and I am here to tell you IT IS NOT! Racism is deep self-hatred projected outward and has nothing to do with whomever it is aimed at.
 
I have stopped validating the racists view on me. I dismiss it, I roll my eyes at it, I laugh at it, I pity it. It is NOT real. And I am done playing with that fantasy.
 
What is real is my feet on the grass, my toes in the lake, my smile returning the sun’s smile, my laughter with my fellow brothers and sisters across the skin rainbow spectrum.
 
The racists game wants us to play to see if we can ‘win’ the racists game which is not possible. I say screw the game rise above! Let’s support each other. Let’s let go of the stories placed in our community to divide us! Stepping out of the racist’s domain and illusion and standing here in the reality of the community we BELONG to. We don’t have to prove anything! We BELONG here! This is our home. Wherever we originated, Africa, Carribean and so forth, we are here and we BELONG! The racist will have you believe in the story of their belonging yet we know the only ones who originated on this land is the Native Americans. We all come from across the map- see how delusional racist ‘thinking’ is?
 
The greatest revolution in the Black community MUST be self-love! We need to no longer buy that self-love is not your kingdom. It is! Reign in self-love! Know you are worthy simply in being Let our art be seen! Our creations be expressed! Our cooking be experienced! Our culture be experienced! Our being, simply in being, let us be with. Simply in being, we are worthy, we are love, we are the Black community and not only do we belong here, we have the possibility to shape what happens next.
 
I love myself, I know myself as worthy simply in being. I love my dark skin, my dark eyes, my dark hair. And I do not have to hate the hater. I have the power in me to transmute this historical pain, to recognize the racist as living in a dark fantasy that has nothing to do with me. I do not need to rage at the hater for it would just be a violence to me as it is born in my body. Drinking poison and hoping the racist gets sick. Well, I have drunk enough poison for the racist. My life does not belong to the racist anymore. In the instant of that recognition, I am free.
 
I will no longer bow to the illusions of cruelty, I will only humble myself to the greatness of my heart.
 
I implore you, my beautiful Black brothers and sisters, stop validating the delusional view of who you are from the racist’s eyes. Stop playing a game made for you to lose. Reign in the kingdom that is your birthright. Luxuriate in the love of your being. I see me, I see you. Descendents of Pharaohs and Queens, know your birthright is sovereignty.
 
I vow my tenderness to my being in the revolution that is love.
 
I stand here with my Black brothers and sisters, in knowing who I truly am is right here in me, in no one’s eyes but my own, in the love of my being. That is true sight.
 
I stand with my brothers and sisters of all ethnicity as we remember we all come from the same bosom and all belong here. Our natural state is community, the rest is the illusion to be challenged. We all belong. Never let anyone enroll you in a fantasy that says otherwise.
 
We Rise, We Rise Together.
Hate-begets-hate-violence-begets-violence-toughness-begets-a-greater-toughness.-We-must-meet-the-forces-of-hate...-Martin-Luther

The Masculine & The Feminine

The social rule of women weaponized against man, I break it all of the time. It is not one I am here to comply with. I’ve lived it and then found the lie hidden in plain sight seated in the heart of man, waiting for me to wake up. The tenderness of man, sweet nurture in the breast of protector.
 
My ferocity, my fury, my wilderness was never meant to be weaponized against men it is my alchemy, my feminine howl sourcing deep from the molten in me, meeting the crashing waves, the tsunami in me. This audacity in me, this rule breaker, this laugh with the moon fire dancer, this wildcat is my galactic imprint moving my body, painting my songs, absolute surrender to ancient philosophy genetically spoken. This braved heart petal kisser, this bare toes kissing grass, this deep breath relaxation onto belly of soil. To bastardize this into a weapon against man to me is to disrespect and degrade the deep being of my womanhood.
 
I stand by the deep being of man, his wilderness, his cry out to the stars, his footprint steady and solid as the dust makes way for his feet, his whisper to the trees, his grounding, the gentle stroke of his forefinger behind the ear of beast who acquiesced. His mighty being, his vulnerable softness, his unapologetic unbridled passion laughing through to break the echoes of complicity baring a path that dares the known to give way to limitless possibility. The call in his heart of pure dare and care, his inspiration of self care retainer, the challenge in his eyes imploring one to choose rise in self sight and evolution, while resting in heart to pour waterfall of authenticity. He dares to break open worlds. To misconstrue his being as hindrance is to disrespect and degrade the source of life that is man.
 
What the protector protects is not weak, nor separate but his counterpart. Who always stands powerfully by his side. At times it is not she whom he protects but those who seek her wrath. No one knows how to diffuse and ground like the masculine. No one. He is balance.
 
Ready as co-creators, together seeding, birthing languages of discover stitched into the unconsciousness awaiting rebirth. Reviving portals gasping to be seen. Imagining from dreams to paper, to home, to breath. The vivid creative unstoppable force of expansion when man and woman step ground together. Each honored is paramount.
 
So, I will dance by the fire with my brothers and sisters.
Lest you call out to the feminine. You will meet her.
Writing By Kristal D. Garcia
Photo by Jake Davies: https://unsplash.com/@jakedavies
jake-davies-235504-unsplash

Happy Earth Day!: The Human Element

 In the beautiful consciousness of #EarthDay, remembering to love home, to me that starts with self. If I do not respect myself, how can I respect my planet? If I do not see myself as belonging, how can I take accountability for effects of my actions on this soil?
Sometimes environmentalism can get a bit dark in my experience by forgetting the human element. As if people are ‘bad’ or ‘wicked’ or ‘stupid’ for not taking care of the planet. What if they just don’t feel like they belong? What if they just do not have the wisdom or education or know how to know what it means to take care of earth? Or, the self love and self respect to know their actions matter?

To me self love it all comes back to. Those equipped can keep educating all of us on how to best live in harmony with our planet and also, remember, we are the planet too. If we are not in harmony with ourselves, if we cannot love self, no way are we going to be able to understand we matter enough that we impact our planet.

Being kind to the Earth means also being kind to self.

earth-day-card1