My Latest Video- Equality: The Importance of Men’s Rights

Equality: The Importance of Men’s Rights:


Everything I Seek Is Within Me Right Now, Simply In Being

There is so much to sexuality which for me is inclusive of spiritual connection. I don’t mean it in a restrictive way as is often perceived, rather for me it is relating to sexuality as sacred.
As in, seeing sexuality is beyond intercourse, it is in the very presence of the sun, the air, the grass, the water, it is life source present in the fibers of life itself. Sex is a beautiful sacred experience of sexuality and sexuality is not exclusive to sex. To me sexuality is the very source of life and breath, creativity.
I don’t have the perfect words to share this, what I do have is the knowledge of my body and so I speak. Not to advise, to share what is calling me to share.
I can no longer stay silent in the face of seeing sexuality as only sex, seeing sexuality and sex abused and applauded when used as self abuse or the massive facade and carrot of arriving at ‘sexual empowerment’. It’s just the biggest lie. I have nothing to fight, simply my experience to share.
Everything I seek is within me right now, simply in being.

‘Prude’ and ‘Vanilla’

‘Prude’ and ‘Vanilla’-

I have heard the term ‘prude’ be used just as the term ‘whore’ is. For shaming a person who their relationship with sexuality is not agreeable to the person speaking. I’ve been called both. I’ll speak further on the term ‘prude’ being used as shaming.

If a person chooses to not engage with the sex industry via strip clubs, porn, etc they can at times be shamed by being called a ‘prude’ I know I’ve been called that. Here’s the truth behind ‘prude’ – it has nothing to do with me but rather the person confronted by my choice.

I finally have an authentic relationship with my sexuality & it does not look like how it did when I was a sex addict and I’m happy for that. That’s my personal experience and how it looks for me. Sexual empowerment, again, does not necessarily mean sex on overdrive. It means an authentic relationship with sexuality.

I don’t believe in the term ‘vanilla’ outside of BDSM. The BDSM community that’s how they speak to relate, however, it is not to be used as a shaming term, simply a distinction between BDSM community and those not involved.

When ‘vanilla’ is used outside of a distinction term in BDSM, I find it is often used as grotesque shaming. BDSM is not necessary for a full healthy sexual relationship except for those it is.

To shame those who do not use BDSM is counterproductive.To shame people for not choosing to relate in the way that is authentic for me moves nothing and in my experience just keeps cycling unconsciousness in these discussions on sexuality and any conversation.

To me, it’s about authenticity, not agreement.


There Is No Hierarchy of Sexual ‘Empowerment’

There Is No Hierarchy of Sexual ‘Empowerment’-
We live in a culture where rushing into sexuality is heralded as ’empowerment’. That is not always the case nor is it always the case that it is not. Usually, rushing into sexuality is just not safe, inclusive of rushing into BDSM. And this rush is often a fear response.
Out of my about 10 years of working in the sex industry, 13 years being a Dom both professional/personal & my other experiences, rushing into sex is a fear response not ’empowerment’. Rushing into BDSM is fear, not ’empowerment’ and so, not necessarily authentic.
What I have heard from so many men and women after my years of experience as a sex worker and Dom is how insecure people have felt as if they needed to do what I did to be sexually ’empowered’. No. Not at all. Not one bit of it is necessary.
In my experience, the sex industry, BDSM none of it is necessary. BDSM is not necessary and only for those who it is actually authentic for and that takes slowing down, massively and taking extraordinary self care measures to see if it’s true or not.
In my years of experience 2 of the main things necessary for beautiful sexual connection is that it is rooted in love & presence. Very simple. All with a basis of self care, therapy if necessary and commitment to self love, self worth, self respect and healthy boundaries.
To me, sexual empowerment is very simply an authentic relationship with sexuality. A virgin can be sexually empowered just as a sexually active or asexual person can be if either is authentic.
The way I found my authenticity was slowing down & listening to my body, therapy to work through trauma which was the root of me recreating abuse & not being able to see it. Therapy also helped with creating healthy boundaries for myself sexually and on the whole of my life.
Also, for me, meditation & mindfulness made a massive difference in connecting with my body, self care, self love and self worth. Nothing fancy, youtube meditations that felt right for me, listening to mindfulness speakers, reading books and giving myself the space to practice.
So, to be very clear, there is NO sexual hierarchy. A sex worker is not necessarily more sexually empowered than you, nor less empowered than you. The biggest misnomer is that being a sex worker necessarily equates to sexual empowerment. No. The only authority on my sexuality is me. How can anyone be an authority over your own sexuality beyond your own personal self care and therapy if needed?
To me, the sexual hierarchy myth also feeds this misconception that having a certain amount of sex equates to sexual ’empowerment’. Not necessarily true either.
In my experience, people are often in fear trying to fill some illusioned ‘quota’ to ‘arrive’ at sexual ’empowerment’. Often getting drunk or drugged to do so which silences the body saying ‘No’ and can become self abuse. Even without drugs or alcohol the self gaslighting of ‘I have to do this to be sexually empowered’ can also be self abusive.
You don’t get a gold star of ‘arrived at sexual empowerment’ that doesn’t exist. I feel in integrity with my sexuality which my body tells me. No more panicked fear fueled overdrive regarding my sexuality to prove something to myself about being sexually ’empowered’. I just have nothing to prove anymore.
Seeing this underlying conversation in society where sexual ’empowerment’ can be misconstrued as a numbers game can be dangerous and can be where people operate outside of self care. To me the conversation of sexuality starts with self love and self care first and expands to be inclusive of sexuality as life force.

Mindfulness in the Human Rights Conversation

Today’s video on my YouTube:

Mindfulness in the Human Rights Conversation Video

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What does the rain elicit in you?

To me the rain is a very special event. My body instantly relaxes as the rain begins to fall, even the promise of its appearance delights me. The way rain touches the bark and begs a new rich color to come forward. It’s adventure on the foreheads of the leaves 🍃 leaving them slick with droplets of daring. The distinct smell in the air of Nature drinking. Walking through the experience feeling cozy and cavelike under protective gear. Watching rivers, ponds, lakes and oceans 🌊 greet their dancing counterpart atop their surface. A party of ripples and leaping exclamations of water drops 💦 on water! The thick feeling of life, of water taking over. The excited screams of those abandoning silly reason and leaping onto the concrete with bare feet and no umbrella 🌂 the raw abandon of leaping into puddles then racing back upstairs to warm showers, hot cocoa and giggles. The screams and squeals thrilled by sudden lightening. The elonged silly faces exclaiming shock of thunder and whoops and laughter running around the house from window to window. I love the rain so deeply. It is very cozy to me. 
What does the rain elicit in you?

Words & Photo: Me

Choosing to celebrate life

I’m finding celebrating life is a consistent choosing of it. It’s not an arrival, not based on perfection, it is a choice for me. Emotions come up and I feel them. Then I come back to choosing what I want to experience. I choose to let go of any illusioned anchors of knowing what will happen in the future and trust the adventure of the unknown. For me this brings me back to savoring my now. In the now for me is celebration.
What does celebrating life look like for you?