Most people will not intentionally place themselves in the face of hate. They run away from it. I run towards it. That’s where the alchemy is. That’s where the call is. I visualize it like shadows screaming at each other twisting around trying to find their way past each other in their confusion. All of it rushing around blindly seeking its way to the light. It’s all screaming for the path to love. Screaming ‘where is it?’, clawing to rise. Every action of the shadow is that scream. I can’t do anything about that but for myself. I can’t transform another person. That’s arrogant and impossible. I can love myself so fiercely I speak to my own shadow with love, ‘My dear, you are the path’. I’m that stand, once in awhile, another sees how if I love me, they too can love themselves. I feel it when that happens, when another person sees themselves with such love in a way they did not before think possible. I feel it when a person suddenly feels the innate love they are. When this happens, when they experience this, something that has no words shifts in me too. The most powerful gift to this world is self love. It’s the path waiting in the shadow.
It is so painful to consistently be in the face of such hate, such pain. To be met with such intense vitriol. Or to be completely ignored. To be threatened and mocked for being love. It hurts. It hurts like hell. I ask myself, why bother? Why keep trying? Why keep doing this? The answer I keep coming back to through stinging eyes with dried tears, is I just can’t see another reason for being on this planet besides being love. I can’t imagine a more worthwhile battle than standing in love. And I don’t kid myself, sometimes it’s a downright battle. That battle is in me. That battle is in my stand when I say yeah, you are worth love and it’s ok to stand for that.
When I am faced with another persons self hate identity I stay for as long as I can to stand for them to see the love they are.
When I create memes about being love I’m not just talking about blissful moments of being or the inevitable unshakable joy that comes from the remembrance that I am innately love. I also speak of the battlefield. I speak of the warrior of my heart. I speak of the multitude of conversations I involve myself in. The places of pain and hate I deliberately put myself inside of to be and remind Love. I speak of the deep body shaking tears of hearing a person shake off the self hate identification and get yes, they are love and they are worthy of love. Starting with their own love.
So though my words may be minimal at times, the power behind them is inevitable. I stand in love. I am love. And I see you are too.
Who is your hero? Mine is my mommy. I know what unconditional love looks like because of her. She is the most tender heart and such purity and innocence. She loves to sing. Any time I would apologize she would be warm and sweetly say, ‘There is nothing to forgive.’ My mom and the love she is and has freely been to all she meets, inspires me to be the love I am.
In looking I’ve realized I have spent much of my life subconsciously looking at history like a play wondering where do I fit, what part is mine to take on? The thing is, the play is over. It’s over. I don’t have to follow a role. I can do whatever I want. It’s a worthwhile play to learn from, not a play for me to keep leapfrogging throughout my life in the name of preservation. Not to perpetuate it blindly based on the fear of perpetuating it blindly.
Every part of history is mine. I belong to every single part of it as it is ultimately about humanity, this planet and its inhabitants. I am not separate from any of it. I am both innocent and guilty. Not from shame from awareness, self love and self acceptance. It is all mine. I belong. With that lesson in mind I am free. The play is over. Who I choose to be now is solely my responsibility.
I had for so long confused kindness with ‘nice’ which to me is a self numbing to please. To me kindness is not ‘nice’ it does not bend to comfort nor complacency. To me kindness is a powerful stand of love, an open heart calling out to the greatness in self/other. A tender whisper or a strike of lightening with thunder growling ‘Let go of hiding yourself, I see your glory’.
What is kindness to you?
I believe we all have wings Tipped upward unfurling from within
Can you feel their beat?
Feathers guilded with surprise
Requiring no agreement
I feel their touch in my smile
Everything is OK
It is all Divine
Flap of wings whisper, Are you ready?
Body relaxes into a delicious Yes
Wonder negates gravity
Anything is possible.
I started this morning dancing in a way I have not danced in a long time. Just getting lost in the music with all of my might. Really relishing the flavor of the music, the rush of aliveness in my body, the strike and fluid of movement, the call of the beat to my soul. Being one with my sensuality, letting go with my silliness, just pure play and joy. Dancing until I was leaping then dancing some more drenched in the sweat of pure aliveness. It feels good to get lost in the dance again and celebrate being alive!