Triumph.

What’s present for me is the exploration of diving deeper into self care. Allowing myself to step further on this already present journey, into layers I had not dared touch with love. I sit it in the strength of self trust which is powerfully present and gently present for me. Delving deeper into self listening what I am finding are more questions, as there will always be, and more curiosity toward challenging what I have known and bringing this to light in triumph. Smiling I surrender to relentless self love. It feels like a fresh breeze through my heart and soul.

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Self Love Is The Truth

Self-loathing is a lie and self-love is the truth. So many stories accumulated through life from society, from bullies, unconsciously even from loved ones during fights and those created by self. However, what is so cool about it all is, it is always a choice what to take on. Seeing these are stories and not the only ones.

There are nurturing stories also accumulated through life, from society, yes even from bullies, and deeply from loved ones and self.

Society doesn’t have all the answers, it’s just an accumulation of evolution and tradition finding its way. It is both benign and malignant because humanity is both. It is just an expression of ideas constantly evolving with no filter. This is what makes social expression alive and what begs social expression be challenged.

Bullies, while I am very clear in my boundaries that I do not have to take hate on, as the musician hears the space between the notes, so do the bullies accent the space between their pain dealing. The space between, that peace, is the space they do not allow themselves and so they project what they allow- pain. They live their pain dealing, every day, they give this to themselves.

Loved ones, well we fight, we love, we connect deeper through it all. Transmuting, evolving. That is love, there is no space for perfection in love.

Self, choosing which stories to live by, that is where the compassion and power is for me. Facing the reality that, I get to choose what I keep. I get to choose to really understand, more and more each time I meet with my dragons, that I get to choose. My shadow shows me all of it plain as day. Gives me wings to take a good sky view of it all. And I get to see the absurdity in its raw form. I get to see all self-loathing stories are lies. Very simple. Very clear. And the only truth is love. That does not mean I hide from the uncomfortable truths about me my shadow shows me, it means I do not get to use that to hurt myself. Rather, I get to use it as an awareness, I get to use that to grow, self care, choose the path of integrity and self love.

Not perfection, as a human there will always be the challenge of choosing between self love and self loathing. And, giving myself the compassion to allow myself to choose the truth, not the lie. And giving myself the compassion to be patient and understanding with myself as I practice.

Self loathing is a lie and self love is the truth. This is how I practice the integrity of self love and self care.

My heart knows, I am worthy and so I listen.

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No Matter The Hate I See, I Will Not Let That Shut Down My Heart.

No matter the hate I see and witness, I will not let that shut down my heart. I know who I am and I am love. I am every messy human element and I am love. Just as I believe everyone is, the alchemy of mess and love.

Even if people viciously forget they are love and viciously fight to prove they are not. It’s not my business. My business is simply to remember the love I am. To touch my own heart and keep it wide open. To not let bitterness stick, to not let hate win in me.

That is my work and I do it as I pour the remembering of who I am innately. I don’t mean when love is misused as a term for bravado, bypassing, arrogance and to silence or dominate anyone. I mean true love. Source.

I would rather be vulnerable than to ever shut down my heart and pretend that is strength. It is not. Vulnerability is strength as it is also a relinquishing the need for the bravado of ‘strength’. I know who I am, and that is all that matters.

I will not run from the courage to be the love I am. No matter what.

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Relating With Fear: From Bravado To Trust

Fear often masks itself as bravado- false confidence. While I understand its purpose, I’ve touched on bravado, I find myself expanding beyond this self protection. For me I would rather dive deep into the waters of my fear from a space of exploration. Not stay long, just be present with the visit. Create a relationship with my fear so that I can be present with what it is telling me when it comes up. For me this is how I allow fear to take its path and transmute. Fear can show me a lot about myself. I used to run from looking at fear. Now I know facing my fear gently, allowing vulnerability in my relationship with fear, this is my self care. This is my trust.

Sacred Dance Between Man & Woman

I believe there is a calling out for harmony between woman & man. This harmony begins with facing the disharmony within & the unconsciousness that keeps the divide in place. First I must look: Where am I projecting my hurt onto an entire gender?
 
Sacred dance between man & woman is not only of romance. In fact what I speak of is not a romantic notion. It is the harmony between woman & man in conscious community together. Our potential as human beings is stifled until we deeply explore this.
 
Whether the conversation between man and woman is of romance, or whether it is simply in community, where do we allow politics to hurt our ability to see each other as fellow human beings?
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Man & Woman Source Life Together

Man and woman. Both life. Yet, we negate man as a part of life. We travel the length of his lingam to meet our mother’s body and mature. By the miracle of the two of them, and the extraordinary biology still laden with much mystery, we live.
 
Why do we continue to negate the life source that is man?
 
From the beginning of time there has been the love of woman, which is beautiful. Since before language was born. Continuing throughout history most of our literature was written by man and man has always loved woman. Heralded womanhood, protected woman, humbled by the being of woman and even exalted woman above himself as all things innocent in this world.
 
Woman has been the miracle of life…yet, why do we forget that man has been too?
 
For as a human female, I am not capable of asexual reproduction. Fact. If it were not for man, there would be no life. Man is just as vital a source of life.
 
As for the love of woman, why do we still question it exists as well? Our oldest poetry is all about how woman is absolutely everything. Predominantly written by man. How can we not see just how much man treasures woman and how this love for women has always existed?
 
Each existing in the fibers of each other, man and woman are life source together.
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The Masculine & The Feminine

The social rule of women weaponized against man, I break it all of the time. It is not one I am here to comply with. I’ve lived it and then found the lie hidden in plain sight seated in the heart of man, waiting for me to wake up. The tenderness of man, sweet nurture in the breast of protector.
 
My ferocity, my fury, my wilderness was never meant to be weaponized against men it is my alchemy, my feminine howl sourcing deep from the molten in me, meeting the crashing waves, the tsunami in me. This audacity in me, this rule breaker, this laugh with the moon fire dancer, this wildcat is my galactic imprint moving my body, painting my songs, absolute surrender to ancient philosophy genetically spoken. This braved heart petal kisser, this bare toes kissing grass, this deep breath relaxation onto belly of soil. To bastardize this into a weapon against man to me is to disrespect and degrade the deep being of my womanhood.
 
I stand by the deep being of man, his wilderness, his cry out to the stars, his footprint steady and solid as the dust makes way for his feet, his whisper to the trees, his grounding, the gentle stroke of his forefinger behind the ear of beast who acquiesced. His mighty being, his vulnerable softness, his unapologetic unbridled passion laughing through to break the echoes of complicity baring a path that dares the known to give way to limitless possibility. The call in his heart of pure dare and care, his inspiration of self care retainer, the challenge in his eyes imploring one to choose rise in self sight and evolution, while resting in heart to pour waterfall of authenticity. He dares to break open worlds. To misconstrue his being as hindrance is to disrespect and degrade the source of life that is man.
 
What the protector protects is not weak, nor separate but his counterpart. Who always stands powerfully by his side. At times it is not she whom he protects but those who seek her wrath. No one knows how to diffuse and ground like the masculine. No one. He is balance.
 
Ready as co-creators, together seeding, birthing languages of discover stitched into the unconsciousness awaiting rebirth. Reviving portals gasping to be seen. Imagining from dreams to paper, to home, to breath. The vivid creative unstoppable force of expansion when man and woman step ground together. Each honored is paramount.
 
So, I will dance by the fire with my brothers and sisters.
Lest you call out to the feminine. You will meet her.
Writing By Kristal D. Garcia
Photo by Jake Davies: https://unsplash.com/@jakedavies
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