The Confrontation Of Identity Death & Rebirth

I face the identity consistently. Within myself and when I am faced with it externally. The identity exists to die and be reborn. When the identity is not allowed to take it’s course, like the Phoenix to burst into flames and be reborn from the ashes, it starts to corrupt, decompose and stink.

With how I have been faced here and the deep judgment on what I share, I am aware that many here are confronted by their perception of me and my stand. I welcome judgment and disagreement by those who are brave enough to actually follow through the experience, through the alchemy to understanding. To me absolute agreement is not required for understanding. Nor support.

I have always been one that has not been a coward when it comes to identity death and rebirth. That does not mean I have not resisted it, I do at times. However, I regularly race into the flames and dare the alchemy to burn away what isn’t.

I have had 7 years of intensive training with a teacher that was about cutting through illusions to seeing the heart of self. Then about 3 years of incredible work with accountable coaches with a clarity, integrity and stand for cutting through stories that stand in the way of the reality of the innate power, heart, community and difference one is.

I do not share this to create some illusion that I have ‘arrived’ as there is no place to arrive and life is ‘self-work’ until the final day. And really not just ‘work’ yet that is an integral piece for me in allowing the beauty of relaxing deeper into being. I do not share this to place myself above nor below anyone. I share this to share.

I am a warrior rooted deeply in my heart.

My stand is only for community, unity, relinquishing of illusion and the allowance of the death and rebirth of identity. I come purely from love, my heart and seeing something greater than me and small shadow tribal mindedness. There is nothing wrong with tribalism until there is. I face the identity beginning with me as that is always the origin is self.

When I speak to people here I come from a place of seeing each individual as powerful and greatness because to me that is truth.

I’m one of the few who runs towards danger not away. I face death threats, hatred more vile than I could have even imagined, told I should be raped and left in a guttter, told I should be lynched, told I am all things evil and vile- and why?

Because damn right I am an absolute threat to the identity.

I face the identity that wants to keep hatred and division in place and call that ‘comfort’. The identity that wants to pretend our differences make us ‘enemies’. I don’t think so. That is a lie. Our differences each have wisdom with the potential of creation in ways only possible in community.

I face hate daily in my conversations and I do so as I sing to the Phoenix-

It’s OK to die, you will be reborn with a splendor.
I am here in my heart and I see you.

Even as the external identity lashes out, I stand. Not against as is often misconstrued, I stand. In the hellfire, unwavering, because I believe in greatness of people and I will absorb no story that tries to pretend otherwise. I stand in the blue flames of hate unwavering not because I hate, I stand because I see past the story, I see a heart and I believe in that heart, I believe in community. I stand in tenderness and I stand in ferocity, as love is all of it.

So, feel free to judge me however you need. I’m not going anywhere. That is not a threat. That is a stand. And I just shared what that stand is.

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Self Love Warrior

The warrior in me has held my hand through trials and unknown, to bring me from war weary battlefields to the beauty of braving the challenge of being the Love I know myself to be.

Freedom Of The Heart

For me I have noticed I can use ‘I don’t understand’ to nose dive into my judgments and close myself off from people. Shutting my heart to people and creating distance with judging them seems ‘safer’ than facing whatever is really present.

I’m starting to appreciate that understanding is not more important than compassion and intimacy. And if I prioritize compassion, I may probably be more open to understanding on some level, even if not entirely, because of my openness to intimacy.

And some things, I will never understand. And some times goodbye is right. There is self care in that too. So long as I am coming from awareness of my flight habit, self care and self love, I will be able to distinguish this.

I’m just ready to change my story.

 

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Self Love Being

I have given my warrior purpose, my pirate soul freedom, my conqueror prospects, my dragon skies to fly and in this my rebel voice, all united in self love.

Words mine, artist unknown.

#MyRebellionIsSelfLove

Officially introducing my hashtag campaign: #MyRebellionIsSelfLove

For me self love is the most important ‘act’ of rebellion, which is instead- simply being 😊❤️

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Instagram: @lovingandcelebratingmen

Twitter: @KristalDGarcia

Innate Being

Illusions of fear, yes, for what am I afraid of when I grip myself with it so tight? Is it the unknown? Fear of loss of love the broken altar on which I sacrifice my authenticity, only to remind myself my innate inheritance- in fact what makes up my very being -is love. If there is nowhere to run to in order to experience love, then the truth must be there is no one to run from to experience it either.

Being ‘right’ doesn’t make me happy…

I used to think being ‘right’ made me happy. Now I see that I confused what I thought was happiness with a high. Being ‘right’ doesn’t make me happy or bring me joy, it’s a sadistic high that I feel. Nothing necessarily wrong with that either it’s just being honest with myself about what I’m doing and what I’m choosing in the moment. With a high comes the come down and for me it’s not pretty. The righteous high comes at a cost to me. The come down is rough, the fiending for the next dose to alleviate the inner backlash is blinding. Fighting through the addiction to see what is it that nurtures me and do I dare be it?

Love has a high, however, to me that can expand into deeper connection. Like a thread sewing together. It has a substance that the righteous high does not, a foundation it seems like to me, potential to create a bond, trust, vulnerability, it eventually grounds itself in reality and then builds itself from there. The love high has its own failsafe, illusion busting written in its composition with a call to grounding and deepening in self sight in my experience.

Exploring the highs in life. Nothing wrong, even righteousness has its time. Like anything, righteousness in its excess becomes a painful addiction with a high cost to self care, self kindness and my health.

Being what nurtures me is an important selfishness.