I started to question: ‘What was insecurity really?…

I had started to question what was ‘insecurity’ really? Was ‘insecure’ a shadow aspect I was not embracing? A personal hidden make wrong on self?

I started to question my own definition and experience of ‘insecure’. This morning listening to a Pema Chodron audio book-who is incredible to listen to-she happened to share she heard someone define:
‘Insecurity is ego’s take on wide opened, unfettered space and we find that [wide opened, unfettered space] uncomfortable.’

Which to me, this definition brings in such a cool new aspect in the convo. I define this wide opened unfettered space as absolute pure possibility. Perhaps in that it is the very essence of life itself! Being with possibility to me is presence or rather, simply being. So, to me ‘insecurity’ is not what I thought. Insecurity is not a story about myself that I needed to debunk. So much bigger beyond the story of having to have a story to fix. But rather, recognizing my discomfort with wide opened, unfettered pace. Now I’m seeing ‘insecurity’ as resistance to impermanence, unfettered space, which to me is- My resistance to possibility. Now it seems ‘insecurity’ may also be any resistance to aliveness!!

So, being in-security is being in the distressing illusion of permanence which is resistance to unlimited possibility! Rather than when, what I had called ‘insecurity’ came up, I had interpreted that as there was some part of me lacking. God this feels refreshing!

For me permanence and security in the sense of having reliability in primary aspects of life such as a place to live, safety for me and mine, and things of this nature are absolutely necessary and vital. And, in my experience, this is not the opposite of ‘insecurity’.

So, let’s say I do address my original definition/story of ‘insecurity’ as me ‘lacking’, as I am so sure that story will come up again at some point lol I am realizing the basis of that experience of ‘insecurity’ is comparison. However, comparison is also not an issue. I now see that different does not mean ‘lacking’ in me, as I shared, I had defined insecurity as ‘lacking’ something. Which with this new experience of ‘insecurity’ I am finally getting that story of ‘lacking’ is just that- a story! Which my god if I bring that to my activism conversations and my judgments that creates a cool new possibility in how I see people!

And, to even not resist lacking lol, where I may be ‘lacking’ it is only to give fuel to my strengths. And should I decide there was something of ‘lack’ that required integrity then I will practice it as integrity while practicing self compassion rather than reprimand. Slowly, gently discovering the self tenderness of growth.

Returning to the conversation of ‘in-security’, resisting that powerful birth place of possibility-which is impermanence- is the very thing that rips me out of the present!

As a human, I have every habit established to not be present lol Rather than resist this and make myself wrong, because I will actually mostly not be present in life, I wonder, what would it look like to practice expanding just a tiny bit of presence? No push to ‘perfect’ -which to me was part of my previous understanding of ‘insecurity’- just an embracement and acknowledgement of what is, where I am now, in a playfulness with possibility.

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For me I found the root of my loneliness is when I forget the limitlessness of love. The pain of loneliness is my collision with my own walls of limiting my expression of love. The pain is the confinement of my love flow, towards myself and as a full expression, experience, being. Releasing self-created blocks and barriers, feeling the stream passing through, looping, replenishing. There is a gentle excitement, a relaxation into the knowing and a knowing the walls will show themselves again. Each time a practice of remembering.

"Natural Bath" Woman sitting in waterfall, Iguacu National Park,

Woman sitting in waterfall, Iguacu National Park, Brazil.

This image available in the following print sizes: 8″x12″ 12″x18″ Fine Art Pricing Info

Day 91 of 100 Days of Loving Men

Day 91 of 100 Days of Loving Men

Receive and celebrate Father energy

Some have not met their Father, or their relationship with their Father is strained. It does not mean that Father energy is not available, it is everywhere. Receiving and celebrating Father energy can be very healing.

I did not meet my Father, as I have mentioned previously. Once
I let go of my expectation for my Father to look or show up a certain way or at all [I did the same for both of my parents]. I was able to reach a point in me where I hold him with love and honor as a vital part of creating me as Life.

I started to become aware of Father energy in Nature. Just being with the energy itself and really receiving what that felt like. I also enjoy Father energy in this world in observing when it comes present in daily life.

I am never without Father energy it is everywhere, in the Cosmos, in Nature, in the animal kingdom, in humanity, Father energy is everywhere and embracing with love, life and kindness.

Here is a beautiful clip of Father energy that while watching I just let in to really nurture the little girl in me:

 

In gratitude to Fathers and Father energy. You are appreciated, loved, received.

 

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