Self Love Warrior

The warrior in me has held my hand through trials and unknown, to bring me from war weary battlefields to the beauty of braving the challenge of being the Love I know myself to be.

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Freedom Of The Heart

For me I have noticed I can use ‘I don’t understand’ to nose dive into my judgments and close myself off from people. Shutting my heart to people and creating distance with judging them seems ‘safer’ than facing whatever is really present.

I’m starting to appreciate that understanding is not more important than compassion and intimacy. And if I prioritize compassion, I may probably be more open to understanding on some level, even if not entirely, because of my openness to intimacy.

And some things, I will never understand. And some times goodbye is right. There is self care in that too. So long as I am coming from awareness of my flight habit, self care and self love, I will be able to distinguish this.

I’m just ready to change my story.

 

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So, What Is White Privilege, Really?

To me white privilege a mindfulness conversation of the reality that in US [and other countries] the basis is the white community as the ‘norm’ so to speak. A person of ‘color’, though I am not fond of that term, is most often seen as nefarious as is the undercurrent conversation that white is ‘good’ the rest less. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation that the black community is still rising and facing the undercurrent deeply ingrained negative conversations and views of the black community that came from slave times into times of Jim Crow and the poverty of this and residuals in modern society. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation for us as a society to be aware of all of this and to be conscious of this instead of project blanket views of black people are lazy, evil, violent, nefarious and less than. It’s about dispelling misconceptions and hatred rather than fuel it.

Now this is what white privilege is not: It is not about ‘white people are evil’ or ‘the root of all violence throughout time’. It’s not about superiority/inferiority. It’s not about shaming white people, the whole point is pull shame out of black community not project more shame into the world. White privilege is not about white people hating themselves, no one should hate them self. It’s not about blaming generations of white people for being white. To me those conversations actually cloud the experience and voices of the black community, not highlight. When everyone is considered a NeoNazi, ‘Neo Nazi’ means nothing. I find such implicatons dangerous as it minimizes actual racial violence. To me the white privilege conversation is about all of us being mindful, it’s not an action, it’s simply a mindfulness. If action is inspired & authentic cool if not cool, it’s simply about awareness. If there is an action being requested, people hear requests that are not shame laden but rather fueled by inspiration and call to community and unity. However, to say there is a need for action  & shame those who do not, rather than support those who do, and to not lead by inspiration to me affects those who rely on their voices being heard the most. I would rather support the black community than hurt the black community.

Any conversation of white privilege that is fueled with hatred and division to me is not the conversation of white privilege but rather ‘white privilege’ being used as a banner to be hateful as any activism can be. The main conversation of white privilege right now I am seeing is fueling hatred and division and I cannot abide by that. To me the conversation of white privilege is about opening listening of the black experience in community and view point, as an expansion in human connection rather than restriction. It’s about awareness, mindfulness, understanding and inspiring human connection. My experience as an AfroLatina is different than a Caucasian in America and that is a fact. To deny that I would be bypassing reality. I also realized I do not need to use it to hurt myself- as I used to- rather I allow it to fuel my inspiration. Every experience in life is different, it just is, we are all different. I also know that what I am saying may never be understood. I no longer need it to be. I am not reliant on understanding to live a life of thriving.  As long as I am aware of the reality of white privilege and do not use it to fuel self loathing or resentment or division or a interpret it as a wall of self limitation, rather simply as an awareness and a practice of compassion.

What do I want to see? What conversations do I want to support in the Black/Latino community as well as all communities? Aliveness! Art! Celebration! Culture! Joy! Play! Love. How? All rooted from authenticity rather than panic to ‘achieve’ or ‘prove’ anything. To slow down and relax enough to allow my actions to be an extenstion of my self care rather than an avoidance of. To me it all comes back to self care, which is prioritized through self love. Celebration of life, celebration the beauty of life that I am a part of and belong to! Simply celebrating the love of being, loving myself is the greatest shift I seek. Self love is an all inclusive conversation. My root is human connection. I allow myself simply to be.

#MyRebellionIsSelfLove

Officially introducing my hashtag campaign: #MyRebellionIsSelfLove

For me self love is the most important ‘act’ of rebellion, which is instead- simply being 😊❤️

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram to see more!

Instagram: @lovingandcelebratingmen

Twitter: @KristalDGarcia

Innate Being

Illusions of fear, yes, for what am I afraid of when I grip myself with it so tight? Is it the unknown? Fear of loss of love the broken altar on which I sacrifice my authenticity, only to remind myself my innate inheritance- in fact what makes up my very being -is love. If there is nowhere to run to in order to experience love, then the truth must be there is no one to run from to experience it either.

Mindfulness & The Garden

Even in anger I can find expression if I choose mindfulness. If I choose to not be mindful then I truly miss out my bravado is then a show simply for myself as it is clear to everyone else what I have chosen. Which yes is fine too and I’m the one who misses out on the vibrant gardens waiting in my blindspots asking me to come play, breathe and bathe in my own aliveness. Treasure waiting for me will then have to wait until next time when the call brings me to its precipice again. I challenge myself each time in hopes I get to choose the garden. I like gardens, especially when gardens are being shared with me. What a beautiful invitation.

Photo by unknown

Being ‘right’ doesn’t make me happy…

I used to think being ‘right’ made me happy. Now I see that I confused what I thought was happiness with a high. Being ‘right’ doesn’t make me happy or bring me joy, it’s a sadistic high that I feel. Nothing necessarily wrong with that either it’s just being honest with myself about what I’m doing and what I’m choosing in the moment. With a high comes the come down and for me it’s not pretty. The righteous high comes at a cost to me. The come down is rough, the fiending for the next dose to alleviate the inner backlash is blinding. Fighting through the addiction to see what is it that nurtures me and do I dare be it?

Love has a high, however, to me that can expand into deeper connection. Like a thread sewing together. It has a substance that the righteous high does not, a foundation it seems like to me, potential to create a bond, trust, vulnerability, it eventually grounds itself in reality and then builds itself from there. The love high has its own failsafe, illusion busting written in its composition with a call to grounding and deepening in self sight in my experience.

Exploring the highs in life. Nothing wrong, even righteousness has its time. Like anything, righteousness in its excess becomes a painful addiction with a high cost to self care, self kindness and my health.

Being what nurtures me is an important selfishness.