Unhooking From The Violence Of Victim Narratives

Sometimes we can get so hooked on victim narratives that we enroll others in victim narratives. In comes the savior to destroy, even those who are benign. When we are in a blind ‘justified’ rage we cut even those who are aligned with us and even those who love us. Is it worth it? For what? The rush of feeling righteous anger? Righteous anger is important, yes, it has its place to challenge blindspots. Yet when it is activated from the space of the ‘savior’ archetype we have a duty to be mindful that this is happening. Or we will find our loved ones in the fallout. The ‘savior’ is a hiding mechanism, I would rather share awareness and open conversation with the intent of living in possibility.
When justified righteous rage is misused and abused for faulty purposes, or to support our hateful stories of each other, even stories we are ‘so sure are true’, what are we really seeking? What drives this shadow tribalism to protect even at the expense of our relationship with people? Tribalism to me is powerful in that it creates community, there are times when yes protection is necessary, it creates a functioning society and interdependence and more. Yet tribalism has a shadow side as well that fosters codependence, violent independence, destroys human connection, feeds paranoia and so forth. The shadow side of tribalism begs consciousness.
What drives this desire to ostracize as punishment and to dominate? When I ask myself this what comes up for me is pain. There is deep unmet pain there and often times fear of loss. In that sense, the rage can be an avoidance and in this, the rage can be an addiction, chasing a high to not face reality. Again, there are times where rage is vital and anger can be a beautifully powerful and important ‘No’ to injustice. I would never shun anger and rage as it is powerful and necessary in the stand for clarity, love and human connection. While I do not limit anger as the only way of communication, I honor it as one of the many important ways to create a clearing for change.
And there are times when rage and anger are misused to hide rather than break free. To restrict rather than expand. To silence rather than challenge. To keep from having a relationship with pain and fear that is calling me to accept and love myself.
I know I have work to do on this and making this distinction for myself between righteous anger with the purpose of expansion of possibility and the setting of necessary boundaries versus anger used to hide, restrict and kill off possibility.
Are you conscientious to be mindful when anger is authentic or do you hurt those you love to stand in your addiction to rage and avoidance of pain? I don’t do physical violence, I keep my hands to myself and personally, I don’t think I can ever be so conscious as to never emotionally hurt anyone ever in my life. That’s not humanly possible and that is just another mechanism to hide aka perfectionism. What I can do is my own work to face the abuser in me and support my own health by being aware of when I misuse the sacred emotion of anger.
I can be gentle and kind to myself and compassionate with myself with awareness to see when the rage is guiding me to hold my inner child with tenderness. When my anger is a call to love myself relentlessly and challenge any stories I hold that tell me I cannot, that tell me I am not worth it. I can hold myself as sacred and precious and acknowledge I am doing my best always to come from my heart. I can be aware when I falter, and get up and try again. Which is life’s practice, which is why I am here, to remember who I am. To remember I am love.
I choose to do my work to unhook from the violence of victim narratives and stand in my self responsibility of self love, self care, self compassion and self tenderness. The way I learn to hold myself with care, is the way I learn to listen to you. The most powerful form of activism is self love and the most powerful form advocacy is self care. This is the root of change, starting with doing the work within me as I am a part of the whole. Community begins to heal with the work of one.
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I Challenge The Human Entitlement To Wallow In Hatred.

I challenge the human entitlement to wallow in hatred. There is so much more that can be done instead of stay stuck in hate. What can we create together? What can we inspire in each other? THAT’S an important conversation to me.

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The Confrontation Of Identity Death & Rebirth

I face the identity consistently. Within myself and when I am faced with it externally. The identity exists to die and be reborn. When the identity is not allowed to take it’s course, like the Phoenix to burst into flames and be reborn from the ashes, it starts to corrupt, decompose and stink.

With how I have been faced here and the deep judgment on what I share, I am aware that many here are confronted by their perception of me and my stand. I welcome judgment and disagreement by those who are brave enough to actually follow through the experience, through the alchemy to understanding. To me absolute agreement is not required for understanding. Nor support.

I have always been one that has not been a coward when it comes to identity death and rebirth. That does not mean I have not resisted it, I do at times. However, I regularly race into the flames and dare the alchemy to burn away what isn’t.

I have had 7 years of intensive training with a teacher that was about cutting through illusions to seeing the heart of self. Then about 3 years of incredible work with accountable coaches with a clarity, integrity and stand for cutting through stories that stand in the way of the reality of the innate power, heart, community and difference one is.

I do not share this to create some illusion that I have ‘arrived’ as there is no place to arrive and life is ‘self-work’ until the final day. And really not just ‘work’ yet that is an integral piece for me in allowing the beauty of relaxing deeper into being. I do not share this to place myself above nor below anyone. I share this to share.

I am a warrior rooted deeply in my heart.

My stand is only for community, unity, relinquishing of illusion and the allowance of the death and rebirth of identity. I come purely from love, my heart and seeing something greater than me and small shadow tribal mindedness. There is nothing wrong with tribalism until there is. I face the identity beginning with me as that is always the origin is self.

When I speak to people here I come from a place of seeing each individual as powerful and greatness because to me that is truth.

I’m one of the few who runs towards danger not away. I face death threats, hatred more vile than I could have even imagined, told I should be raped and left in a guttter, told I should be lynched, told I am all things evil and vile- and why?

Because damn right I am an absolute threat to the identity.

I face the identity that wants to keep hatred and division in place and call that ‘comfort’. The identity that wants to pretend our differences make us ‘enemies’. I don’t think so. That is a lie. Our differences each have wisdom with the potential of creation in ways only possible in community.

I face hate daily in my conversations and I do so as I sing to the Phoenix-

It’s OK to die, you will be reborn with a splendor.
I am here in my heart and I see you.

Even as the external identity lashes out, I stand. Not against as is often misconstrued, I stand. In the hellfire, unwavering, because I believe in greatness of people and I will absorb no story that tries to pretend otherwise. I stand in the blue flames of hate unwavering not because I hate, I stand because I see past the story, I see a heart and I believe in that heart, I believe in community. I stand in tenderness and I stand in ferocity, as love is all of it.

So, feel free to judge me however you need. I’m not going anywhere. That is not a threat. That is a stand. And I just shared what that stand is.

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The Masculine & The Feminine

The social rule of women weaponized against man, I break it all of the time. It is not one I am here to comply with. I’ve lived it and then found the lie hidden in plain sight seated in the heart of man, waiting for me to wake up. The tenderness of man, sweet nurture in the breast of protector.
 
My ferocity, my fury, my wilderness was never meant to be weaponized against men it is my alchemy, my feminine howl sourcing deep from the molten in me, meeting the crashing waves, the tsunami in me. This audacity in me, this rule breaker, this laugh with the moon fire dancer, this wildcat is my galactic imprint moving my body, painting my songs, absolute surrender to ancient philosophy genetically spoken. This braved heart petal kisser, this bare toes kissing grass, this deep breath relaxation onto belly of soil. To bastardize this into a weapon against man to me is to disrespect and degrade the deep being of my womanhood.
 
I stand by the deep being of man, his wilderness, his cry out to the stars, his footprint steady and solid as the dust makes way for his feet, his whisper to the trees, his grounding, the gentle stroke of his forefinger behind the ear of beast who acquiesced. His mighty being, his vulnerable softness, his unapologetic unbridled passion laughing through to break the echoes of complicity baring a path that dares the known to give way to limitless possibility. The call in his heart of pure dare and care, his inspiration of self care retainer, the challenge in his eyes imploring one to choose rise in self sight and evolution, while resting in heart to pour waterfall of authenticity. He dares to break open worlds. To misconstrue his being as hindrance is to disrespect and degrade the source of life that is man.
 
What the protector protects is not weak, nor separate but his counterpart. Who always stands powerfully by his side. At times it is not she whom he protects but those who seek her wrath. No one knows how to diffuse and ground like the masculine. No one. He is balance.
 
Ready as co-creators, together seeding, birthing languages of discover stitched into the unconsciousness awaiting rebirth. Reviving portals gasping to be seen. Imagining from dreams to paper, to home, to breath. The vivid creative unstoppable force of expansion when man and woman step ground together. Each honored is paramount.
 
So, I will dance by the fire with my brothers and sisters.
Lest you call out to the feminine. You will meet her.
Writing By Kristal D. Garcia
Photo by Jake Davies: https://unsplash.com/@jakedavies
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The Body.

To me what I often experience is this. Those who practice a modality, such as Tantra, often begin to work like a body. However, as a body it is always open to getting sick. And as a body each individual makes up the body’s immune system. Now, when the immune system is in integrity it can recognize between pathogens -what actually creates disease, in this instance abuse and abusers, spiritual bypassing, righteous denial and arrogance. which hides abuse- and its own body. When the immune system is out of integrity it cannot distinguish between a pathogen and it’s own body and begins to attack itself.
 
Those standing up to abuse in the Tantric community are very clearly a healthy and vital part of the Tantric body and yet are often met in ‘Tantric’ spaces like they are not. Being a stand for victims, for integrity is a great stand that is for supporting the health of the Tantric body in action which begins in being. When the body senses pathogens it sends out an army of fighter cells to attack in order to keep the body healthy. Those standing for health, safety, the voice of victims and integrity in the Tantric community are only attacking the pathogens NOT the body. Yet is often confused as the other way around.
 
This is my experience as to what is often transpiring in Tantra and in any part of the human community. We are a body. If I am out of integrity with myself, I contribute to the body not being able to distinguish between pathogen and self. It absolutely all comes back to self as in doing my own work.
 
My integrity is a vital part of a healthy body. This is core.
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Words mine, Anatomy art by Juan Gatti.

Self Love Warrior

The warrior in me has held my hand through trials and unknown, to bring me from war weary battlefields to the beauty of braving the challenge of being the Love I know myself to be.

So, What Is White Privilege, Really?

To me white privilege a mindfulness conversation of the reality that in US [and other countries] the basis is the white community as the ‘norm’ so to speak. A person of ‘color’, though I am not fond of that term, is most often seen as nefarious as is the undercurrent conversation that white is ‘good’ the rest less. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation that the black community is still rising and facing the undercurrent deeply ingrained negative conversations and views of the black community that came from slave times into times of Jim Crow and the poverty of this and residuals in modern society. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation for us as a society to be aware of all of this and to be conscious of this instead of project blanket views of black people are lazy, evil, violent, nefarious and less than. It’s about dispelling misconceptions and hatred rather than fuel it.

Now this is what white privilege is not: It is not about ‘white people are evil’ or ‘the root of all violence throughout time’. It’s not about superiority/inferiority. It’s not about shaming white people, the whole point is pull shame out of black community not project more shame into the world. White privilege is not about white people hating themselves, no one should hate them self. It’s not about blaming generations of white people for being white. To me those conversations actually cloud the experience and voices of the black community, not highlight. When everyone is considered a NeoNazi, ‘Neo Nazi’ means nothing. I find such implicatons dangerous as it minimizes actual racial violence. To me the white privilege conversation is about all of us being mindful, it’s not an action, it’s simply a mindfulness. If action is inspired & authentic cool if not cool, it’s simply about awareness. If there is an action being requested, people hear requests that are not shame laden but rather fueled by inspiration and call to community and unity. However, to say there is a need for action  & shame those who do not, rather than support those who do, and to not lead by inspiration to me affects those who rely on their voices being heard the most. I would rather support the black community than hurt the black community.

Any conversation of white privilege that is fueled with hatred and division to me is not the conversation of white privilege but rather ‘white privilege’ being used as a banner to be hateful as any activism can be. The main conversation of white privilege right now I am seeing is fueling hatred and division and I cannot abide by that. To me the conversation of white privilege is about opening listening of the black experience in community and view point, as an expansion in human connection rather than restriction. It’s about awareness, mindfulness, understanding and inspiring human connection. My experience as an AfroLatina is different than a Caucasian in America and that is a fact. To deny that I would be bypassing reality. I also realized I do not need to use it to hurt myself- as I used to- rather I allow it to fuel my inspiration. Every experience in life is different, it just is, we are all different. I also know that what I am saying may never be understood. I no longer need it to be. I am not reliant on understanding to live a life of thriving.  As long as I am aware of the reality of white privilege and do not use it to fuel self loathing or resentment or division or a interpret it as a wall of self limitation, rather simply as an awareness and a practice of compassion.

What do I want to see? What conversations do I want to support in the Black/Latino community as well as all communities? Aliveness! Art! Celebration! Culture! Joy! Play! Love. How? All rooted from authenticity rather than panic to ‘achieve’ or ‘prove’ anything. To slow down and relax enough to allow my actions to be an extenstion of my self care rather than an avoidance of. To me it all comes back to self care, which is prioritized through self love. Celebration of life, celebration the beauty of life that I am a part of and belong to! Simply celebrating the love of being, loving myself is the greatest shift I seek. Self love is an all inclusive conversation. My root is human connection. I allow myself simply to be.