To My Fellow Black Men & Women: Stop Listening To A Racists View On You.

I noticed in my life I spent a lot of time validating what the racists view on me. I’ve realized: those views are completely insignificant. I believe as the Black community we have spent our lives being told those viewpoints are valid or real above our own true viewpoints of the beauty of who we are.
 
That is incorrect.
 
Here’s what I have found, superiority cannot exist without inferiority at the root. Have you noticed how someone acts when they feel inferior to you? Put downs to bring you down, comparisons to make you feel like you do not hold up, gaslighting every time you succeed or contribute that in fact you did not succeed or contribute. Those racist points of view are NOT who we are. We cannot look to those who feel inferior to give us an accurate view of who we are, nor to those who feel we are superior because both are based on inferiority. Never can we look to anyone, regardless, for an accurate view of who we are.
 
What are the common conversations of us in a society led by racism and with deep roots of racism toward the black community? All of them come back to the view of us as ‘uncivilized’ because our roots are from Africa. Almost as if slavery was an entitlement because we were just ‘uncivilized’ anyway. The myth that we are violent because of our pigmentation, again back to the conversation of us being ‘uncivilized’ because of our skin tone. A lot of this is religiously based with the story of a white God and white Angels and white Jesus and a black devil and all things dark meaning we are evil or bad because we too are dark. The same language is not being used today, yet the connotations are all there. All of this based on the ignorance in misconstruing the metaphor of the shadow.
 
What is uncivilized about our roots in Africa? What is uncivilized about Africa? We all came from Africa. Every single one of us. Our Asian brothers and sisters, Native American, White, Indian, Aboriginal, and of course our Black brothers and sisters. We all come from the same bosom. What is uncivilized about that?
 
History has been brutal throughout and no one exempt from that brutality yet racists would want you to believe -while justifying and ignoring the brutality of slavery and even justifying and ignoring the brutal reality of the Holocaust – they are the one ‘pure’ race. Ha! How freaking ridiculous and delusional is that?? If someone came up to you in a tin foil hat and said ‘I am the one true race’ would you not just laugh in their face at their freaking ridiculousness?? Or even feel pity for them because that is not a healthy normal story and may even be rooted in some type of mental health issue?
 
YET we validate these completely off the rocker ideas being aimed at us! Why? Because we have bought into the viewpoint of us from the eyes of the racist! How can we view ourselves through that viewpoint? We cannot. We will not be able to see the beauty we are in this world and in society daily. I lived that for so long comparing myself to the way racists viewed me and it was excruciatingly painful. I wanted to just give up. I felt defeated. I felt ugly. I felt gross. I felt inferior.
 
There was no way I could see myself succeeding with allowing those racist views to ride on my back. No way I could reach for joy in who I was with allowing myself to be painted with hatred as if it were a true mirror of who I was. No way I could let my voice squeeze from my throat while I let myself wrap that hate to choke myself silent. I watched as statistics were used as weapons to continue to tell me what a brutal uncivilized dark witch I was. Yet watched as the same racists fed me dollars to take my clothes off for them. Watched as my sisters were brutalized in ‘amateur’ porn and hyper-sexualized as the ‘horny black woman’. Watched as these racists called me a nigger in one breath then told me how ‘sexy’ I was in the next.
 
You tell me: Why would I continue to live from the view of people who hate me? Also, their hatred of me has NOTHING to do with me, nor you my fellow Black brothers and sisters. Absolutely nothing! Though we have been told that it does, we keep being fed that it does, that the racism aimed at us is justified. We keep being told to eat that sickness as if it is meant for us as if we deserve it as if we must to be ‘allowed’ to be among the racist. As if it is a privilege to be among racists and this is the price we must pay.
 
I say NO MORE!
 
The racists’ hatred projected onto us has NOTHING to do with us! Hatred is born within. It is something we all feel at one point or another. Yet it is a feeling to be transmuted and release or it becomes poison. The racist is irresponsible with their hatred, just like any violent person is. Someone’s hate of me, no matter how sure they believe it is about me, has nothing to do with me and has nothing to do with you. We have been taught to believe racism is about us and I am here to tell you IT IS NOT! Racism is deep self-hatred projected outward and has nothing to do with whomever it is aimed at.
 
I have stopped validating the racists view on me. I dismiss it, I roll my eyes at it, I laugh at it, I pity it. It is NOT real. And I am done playing with that fantasy.
 
What is real is my feet on the grass, my toes in the lake, my smile returning the sun’s smile, my laughter with my fellow brothers and sisters across the skin rainbow spectrum.
 
The racists game wants us to play to see if we can ‘win’ the racists game which is not possible. I say screw the game rise above! Let’s support each other. Let’s let go of the stories placed in our community to divide us! Stepping out of the racist’s domain and illusion and standing here in the reality of the community we BELONG to. We don’t have to prove anything! We BELONG here! This is our home. Wherever we originated, Africa, Carribean and so forth, we are here and we BELONG! The racist will have you believe in the story of their belonging yet we know the only ones who originated on this land is the Native Americans. We all come from across the map- see how delusional racist ‘thinking’ is?
 
The greatest revolution in the Black community MUST be self-love! We need to no longer buy that self-love is not your kingdom. It is! Reign in self-love! Know you are worthy simply in being Let our art be seen! Our creations be expressed! Our cooking be experienced! Our culture be experienced! Our being, simply in being, let us be with. Simply in being, we are worthy, we are love, we are the Black community and not only do we belong here, we have the possibility to shape what happens next.
 
I love myself, I know myself as worthy simply in being. I love my dark skin, my dark eyes, my dark hair. And I do not have to hate the hater. I have the power in me to transmute this historical pain, to recognize the racist as living in a dark fantasy that has nothing to do with me. I do not need to rage at the hater for it would just be a violence to me as it is born in my body. Drinking poison and hoping the racist gets sick. Well, I have drunk enough poison for the racist. My life does not belong to the racist anymore. In the instant of that recognition, I am free.
 
I will no longer bow to the illusions of cruelty, I will only humble myself to the greatness of my heart.
 
I implore you, my beautiful Black brothers and sisters, stop validating the delusional view of who you are from the racist’s eyes. Stop playing a game made for you to lose. Reign in the kingdom that is your birthright. Luxuriate in the love of your being. I see me, I see you. Descendents of Pharaohs and Queens, know your birthright is sovereignty.
 
I vow my tenderness to my being in the revolution that is love.
 
I stand here with my Black brothers and sisters, in knowing who I truly am is right here in me, in no one’s eyes but my own, in the love of my being. That is true sight.
 
I stand with my brothers and sisters of all ethnicity as we remember we all come from the same bosom and all belong here. Our natural state is community, the rest is the illusion to be challenged. We all belong. Never let anyone enroll you in a fantasy that says otherwise.
 
We Rise, We Rise Together.
Hate-begets-hate-violence-begets-violence-toughness-begets-a-greater-toughness.-We-must-meet-the-forces-of-hate...-Martin-Luther
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Welcome To My Laboratory

Totally in inner-Scientist mode. Welcome to my laboratory.

My laboratory is not of beakers and measurements (though that stuff is super cool too), mine is one of heart, mind, body, soul and all that of which I do not know.

Serums, elixirs, unconsciousness mixing with the breath of presence and into explosions of awareness, shiny things, much pressing to see ‘what does this button do?’ and bracing myself for the inevitable dive into the human experiment of deep unconsciousness.

How else can I truly live and be alive if I do not test my own limitations, self conversation and my own habits in the laboratory of my own being?

Art by Travis Bedel

I started to question: ‘What was insecurity really?…

I had started to question what was ‘insecurity’ really? Was ‘insecure’ a shadow aspect I was not embracing? A personal hidden make wrong on self?

I started to question my own definition and experience of ‘insecure’. This morning listening to a Pema Chodron audio book-who is incredible to listen to-she happened to share she heard someone define:
‘Insecurity is ego’s take on wide opened, unfettered space and we find that [wide opened, unfettered space] uncomfortable.’

Which to me, this definition brings in such a cool new aspect in the convo. I define this wide opened unfettered space as absolute pure possibility. Perhaps in that it is the very essence of life itself! Being with possibility to me is presence or rather, simply being. So, to me ‘insecurity’ is not what I thought. Insecurity is not a story about myself that I needed to debunk. So much bigger beyond the story of having to have a story to fix. But rather, recognizing my discomfort with wide opened, unfettered pace. Now I’m seeing ‘insecurity’ as resistance to impermanence, unfettered space, which to me is- My resistance to possibility. Now it seems ‘insecurity’ may also be any resistance to aliveness!!

So, being in-security is being in the distressing illusion of permanence which is resistance to unlimited possibility! Rather than when, what I had called ‘insecurity’ came up, I had interpreted that as there was some part of me lacking. God this feels refreshing!

For me permanence and security in the sense of having reliability in primary aspects of life such as a place to live, safety for me and mine, and things of this nature are absolutely necessary and vital. And, in my experience, this is not the opposite of ‘insecurity’.

So, let’s say I do address my original definition/story of ‘insecurity’ as me ‘lacking’, as I am so sure that story will come up again at some point lol I am realizing the basis of that experience of ‘insecurity’ is comparison. However, comparison is also not an issue. I now see that different does not mean ‘lacking’ in me, as I shared, I had defined insecurity as ‘lacking’ something. Which with this new experience of ‘insecurity’ I am finally getting that story of ‘lacking’ is just that- a story! Which my god if I bring that to my activism conversations and my judgments that creates a cool new possibility in how I see people!

And, to even not resist lacking lol, where I may be ‘lacking’ it is only to give fuel to my strengths. And should I decide there was something of ‘lack’ that required integrity then I will practice it as integrity while practicing self compassion rather than reprimand. Slowly, gently discovering the self tenderness of growth.

Returning to the conversation of ‘in-security’, resisting that powerful birth place of possibility-which is impermanence- is the very thing that rips me out of the present!

As a human, I have every habit established to not be present lol Rather than resist this and make myself wrong, because I will actually mostly not be present in life, I wonder, what would it look like to practice expanding just a tiny bit of presence? No push to ‘perfect’ -which to me was part of my previous understanding of ‘insecurity’- just an embracement and acknowledgement of what is, where I am now, in a playfulness with possibility.

Self Love Warrior

The warrior in me has held my hand through trials and unknown, to bring me from war weary battlefields to the beauty of braving the challenge of being the Love I know myself to be.

Super Heroes

I love watching Super Hero movies they are just my favorite. I wonder if we get that archetype is us?! I believe we are all ‘Super Heroes’ of our own lives. Every one of us. I believe we are this incredible expression of Source. Inside, this massive expression of life calling out daily ‘See me!’. This call for sight often projected onto others or out into the world, yet the call is to go within! I believe the very map of adventure is us. No one to save. No town to keep safe. Just a powerful living journey being with self.

Do you see yourself as the Super Hero of you?

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So, What Is White Privilege, Really?

To me white privilege a mindfulness conversation of the reality that in US [and other countries] the basis is the white community as the ‘norm’ so to speak. A person of ‘color’, though I am not fond of that term, is most often seen as nefarious as is the undercurrent conversation that white is ‘good’ the rest less. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation that the black community is still rising and facing the undercurrent deeply ingrained negative conversations and views of the black community that came from slave times into times of Jim Crow and the poverty of this and residuals in modern society. White privilege is a mindfulness conversation for us as a society to be aware of all of this and to be conscious of this instead of project blanket views of black people are lazy, evil, violent, nefarious and less than. It’s about dispelling misconceptions and hatred rather than fuel it.

Now this is what white privilege is not: It is not about ‘white people are evil’ or ‘the root of all violence throughout time’. It’s not about superiority/inferiority. It’s not about shaming white people, the whole point is pull shame out of black community not project more shame into the world. White privilege is not about white people hating themselves, no one should hate them self. It’s not about blaming generations of white people for being white. To me those conversations actually cloud the experience and voices of the black community, not highlight. When everyone is considered a NeoNazi, ‘Neo Nazi’ means nothing. I find such implicatons dangerous as it minimizes actual racial violence. To me the white privilege conversation is about all of us being mindful, it’s not an action, it’s simply a mindfulness. If action is inspired & authentic cool if not cool, it’s simply about awareness. If there is an action being requested, people hear requests that are not shame laden but rather fueled by inspiration and call to community and unity. However, to say there is a need for action  & shame those who do not, rather than support those who do, and to not lead by inspiration to me affects those who rely on their voices being heard the most. I would rather support the black community than hurt the black community.

Any conversation of white privilege that is fueled with hatred and division to me is not the conversation of white privilege but rather ‘white privilege’ being used as a banner to be hateful as any activism can be. The main conversation of white privilege right now I am seeing is fueling hatred and division and I cannot abide by that. To me the conversation of white privilege is about opening listening of the black experience in community and view point, as an expansion in human connection rather than restriction. It’s about awareness, mindfulness, understanding and inspiring human connection. My experience as an AfroLatina is different than a Caucasian in America and that is a fact. To deny that I would be bypassing reality. I also realized I do not need to use it to hurt myself- as I used to- rather I allow it to fuel my inspiration. Every experience in life is different, it just is, we are all different. I also know that what I am saying may never be understood. I no longer need it to be. I am not reliant on understanding to live a life of thriving.  As long as I am aware of the reality of white privilege and do not use it to fuel self loathing or resentment or division or a interpret it as a wall of self limitation, rather simply as an awareness and a practice of compassion.

What do I want to see? What conversations do I want to support in the Black/Latino community as well as all communities? Aliveness! Art! Celebration! Culture! Joy! Play! Love. How? All rooted from authenticity rather than panic to ‘achieve’ or ‘prove’ anything. To slow down and relax enough to allow my actions to be an extenstion of my self care rather than an avoidance of. To me it all comes back to self care, which is prioritized through self love. Celebration of life, celebration the beauty of life that I am a part of and belong to! Simply celebrating the love of being, loving myself is the greatest shift I seek. Self love is an all inclusive conversation. My root is human connection. I allow myself simply to be.