When there is an upset I’m starting to look, what is it here that I need to experience? What is calling me from my past to be seen to heal? What old patterns are dying off? My body is lit up like a Christmas tree. I must need to experience being punished by removal of love for sharing my needs, for being a stand for someone’s greatness for being a stand for my own greatness. I’m not diminishing my stand this time. I’m not going to mouse away into a corner and people please and say ‘oh it’s OK’ like I’ve done many, many times before in fear of losing love. I am love. I am whole. I cannot lose love. I will be a stand. If the illusion I need to experience is ‘losing love’ I accept. If the illusion I need to experience is being made wrong for standing for my needs I accept. For saying I matter, for saying I want to have say in co-created situations and relationships, I accept. I will not cower from my greatness and I will not cower from another’s. I’ve become too aware to go backwards. I will not leave, I will be here. I will stand. Even as my body shakes in fear, even though the anger quakes that my tears hide behind. I will not flinch from my ground. I know my stand and I will not bow to smallness again. With love, I completely accept being misunderstood and dragged through the mud if needed. I stand unscathed even in the quake as I know my heart is true and I will not give in. I now stand in and know I am worth being heard, I’m worth workable communication that works for both people which includes what works for me too. I know I come from love and I hear me. I have space for my needs and my needs matter. I give, I am giving to other people’s needs they matter to me, I’m now giving myself that gift. I must need to experience right now what it feels like to be a stand for my needs and not people please nor accept being made wrong, nor accept that is who that person truly is as it is just their machine and underneath that facade is a being of love as we are all love. I stay standing in love, if the storm subsides, I will be here. If not, I accept. I am done being silent in fear of another’s upset. I trust the upset as I stand in integrity with myself. I’m learning ‘I love you’ doesn’t mean I will accept everything as ‘OK’ even when I feel in my body something is not right. It’s OK for me to use my voice. I accept this discomfort as I teach myself this. I surrender, allow and accept.

massimo-2

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