Day 97 of 100 Days of Loving Men

Day 97 Conversation of Kindness

I believe it’s easy to say ‘yes, I’ll be kind’ and I have found the action of kindness, the way of being of kindness takes work, self work and self responsibility. Part of self work in opening to kindness for me means that I am responsible for being honest and clear in my communication. Also letting go of the illusion that I can control my life experience absolutely. This for me often comes with letting go of the arrogance that I am the one to say how another should speak and show up.

Conversation of kindness, in being kind to men is just such a human conversation. If I hold any prejudice towards men it is for me to see  and be kind enough to myself to let it go. The way I speak to men is my own internal dialogue. If it is a fixed story of how I view men then that is a sign I am viewing men from a filter of prejudice.

It can be easy to deny prejudice with the mantra ‘but I love men’. I have found that can be a hiding point. If there is a familiar sentence that recurs that addresses men in general as a gender in a negativism, that itself is the hiding prejudice. For example if I were to say ‘if men would only…xyz’ that kind of declaration on an entire gender quickly points back to my own perception. Such a perception is based on my own ways of being that do not work and that I do not want to see and acknowledge they do not work so I’d be projecting it onto men. In this way I would avoid doing my work and feel justified in not bringing kindness to my conversations with and about men.

I have found the only way to step into kindness is to be kind to myself. Shaming myself and my filters does not shift them. Acknowledging my filters, my prejudice, becoming aware and being gentle with myself as I shift my view into kindness is what supports me opening my heart and shifting out of old ways of being. I choose kindness.

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