The other day as I was working on my book proposal which includes going back into my feminist days and remembering my thought process then. I’ve been writing my detailed experience of how I began researching for ‘Loving and Celebrating Men’ the book. This includes my meeting with Harry Crouch from National Coalition For Men and years later my finding of A Voice For Men [AVFM] both -and many other experiences- leading to my dropping feminism.
As I was writing, I was remembering my mindset when I was unaware of the human rights needs of men. I also remembered watching a video where a feminist came up to the microphone and Karen Straughan mentioned safe space for men. The woman said ‘everywhere is a safe space for men’.
How can someone say such a thing? How can people be so completely ignorant to men’s needs including men’s safety needs?
So, I started to think. What was my mindset back then? What was my thought process that I was so sure my ignorance was reality?
In my other writing I have mentioned before what I call ‘the broken pedestal’. It’s where I placed men. You see, I didn’t see men as human and I’m very clear feminsts do not either. My epiphany was why this was so. I saw men as gods and so do they.
There was such a deep disconnect of seeing men as human that they have been portrayed as unreachable gods that cannot be matched, gods that cannot know pain. Putting men on this pedestal where they are this almighty being that can’t possibly be a messy human. Broken pedestal as there is no grace for them. Even if they exhaust themselves to an ideal, to fit this god fantasy, they are chastized for aiming to do so.
I went through a time during my 20’s where when men showed up as human, I just could not handle it. I had created men as being incapable of being messy humans. How could these ‘almighty’ beings actually understand what it meant to be human? How was it possible? And how dare they actually not be perfect?
Now, I just wrote in ‘Day 67 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right’ to receive men as perfect. This is not the same as the perfection that I once demanded of men. What I’m talking about in Day 67 is seeing and receiving men as perfect in the now. If and when there are messy human moments, seeing those as perfect and beautiful too. Receiving men as perfect and letting go of judgment of men. That is how I see men as perfect now, receiving who they are authentically, who they wish to be, not who I wish to project men as.
I didn’t realize until looking back just how inferior I felt to men at that time in my life. And I get how I projected my inferiority as victim. I see how feminism FEEDS this. I’m not saying feminism created this, I had these feelings of uncertainty as most people do experiencing and learning in this world. Feminism did not create this in me, but it fed this. It fed my uncertainties and I can own that I let it. There wasn’t the ‘you’re a powerful woman and here is how you can feel safe within yourself and co-create healthy human community with men’ discussion happening, it wasn’t happening anywhere I knew. And it definitely wasn’t happening in feminism.
From chilldhood there are uncertainties, hell, throughout life there are. As children and teens there is a dependency on adults to support safety. I believe this is a vital time to encourage feelings of safety to carry on into adulthood. Early 20’s are usually a very big time for exploration and yes, more uncertainties. If there is a discussion happening especially in these ages supporting healthy human community, what a difference that would be.
But that is not yet the norm, the norm has been feminism these past several decades which has promoted the opposite of community. Feminism has not empowered women to feel equal to men but has empowered women to feel less than. Placed men in a view as if what men create is unattainable to women and women have no place in what is created in this world. Feminism pushes for women to be protected above men thereby telling men their safety is of no importance, leaving men to be treated as disposable. This also tells women that women have no power over their own safety leaving women feeling powerless and terrified. There is no surprise that there is such a disconnect between men and women when this is how each are being treated in society.
Feminism has systematically enforced the line between the genders and killed communication and understanding. Though, that is changing now with more people standing up to the gender segregation in our society.
My point is, feminism is an ideology that feeds female insecurities. It takes feeling inferior as a female to feel as if women are less than men. This inferiority then demands a fantasy of male supremacy. And here’s where it gets even more twisted:
So far we have the female inferiority story, which sees men as superior. Next we have the inability to receive men as humans who make messes, so when a man makes, a mess as any human will, he is seen as a disappointment and judged as a failure. There is no compassion for men in this, only disdain for not fulfilling their projected role as gods. This infuriates the female inferiority story which THEN creates the female supremacy story- ‘How dare he fail! I may be a mere meek female, but I could do it better. I am goddess! Bow before me!’
Following? The female inferiority story breeds the female supremacy story. What happens next is the martyr-goddess ‘I am a goddess, but I will show myself as meek and I will sacrifice who I am to bring enlightenment to men. Poor lost creatures.’
OK this is not a conscious happening…well, not for most though I have actually seen similar conversations happening between some deluded women who hide in so called spiritual communities and call themselves Life Coaches, Tantrikas, Dakini’s but really use such titles to hide their female supremacy. There are Life Coaches, Tantrikas and Dakinis who are not this way, and they take work to find as they are often shamed by those who buy into female supremacy. These women who actually hold true to their work as healers often face battles within the spiritual community as the supremacists try to shut their voices down. And you can imagine what is done to the male Life Coaches and Dakas who take a stand. Many risk losing their work as the ‘spiritual’ communities have been predominanty wrapped in with enforcement of the broken pedestal.
Now, back to the woman who said all places are safe places for men. She sees men as gods, untouchable and unable to have a human experience. Is this bizarre? Yes! And this is exactly what is being supported with feminism. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it and I continue to see it.
The sad fact is, this is based on inferiority. Then, there are those who embrace the broken pedestal and struggle to be that demigod that he is asked to be and will always fail to attain. The broken pedestal never allows proper footing for receiving praise. This self flagellating demigod wannabe will do anything to drag other men to such broken pedestals. By becoming enforcer of this broken way pushing it on other men, he believes this will bring him closer to demigod status. But, it’s all an illusion. An abusive one at that. It is incredibly sad that he has embraced this dysfunctional act of superior/inferior where there is no relief. Only a higher demand with each accomplishment, a higher broken pedestal where the ‘goddesses’ encircle hammering away daring him to fall, demanding him to stay.
I had this epiphany that feminism promotes men as gods and therefore craetes this inflated myth of women as ‘goddesses’ to counteract this self created lie that lies as the basis of feminism. This is all based on female inferiority, then inflated to female supremacy.
There is no receptivity of men as human beings in feminism. No receptivity of the beauty of men in the now. No awareness of the power of women to be responsible for their own safety, no acceptance of women’s power and freedom to be as they wish to be. There is no commtiment for healthy human community in which men and women co-create and peacefully co-exist. These things do not exist in feminism, there is no drive for this, no wish for this. In feminism the word equality has been misused to mask gender segregation.
I’m not inferior/superior to men. I do not fear men in their power as I am fully aware of my existence in my power. I am not threatened by men in their power as I see myself as powerful too. I see men as different than me, yes, and I love our differences. We each have our own unique wisdom and experiences that only we can know. Every individual has their own unique way of being.
The segregation of the genders does no good. In order to move forward into egalitarianism, men must be heard and seen. We cannot leap over listening to men and then believe egalitarianism is possible. It’s not possible without recognizing and creating support for men. There cannot be true egalitarianism without men seen as human beings deserving of human rights. If men are told to be quiet so to appease, there is no listening.
It’s a sad state we are in globally where men’s needs are being ignored because of the broken pedestal. It’s time for such illusions to end and men to be fully received. Men’s needs must be heard, it’s time all listen. If one finds it hard to listen, it’s time to do the self work and recognize there is no inferiority/superiority, these are illusions. We are all here on this very beautiful planet, Earth. We all share this place swimming in outerspace, we need each other. We do. Illusions of inferiority/superiority are not necessary, they serve no one. Instead, recognizing we are all different, but we are all human. And that is a pretty amazing thing to be.
Time to let go of insecurities and listen. Men are saying what they need, can you hear them? They are not gods they are people and all people deserve to be safe.
We rise, we rise togther.