Day 50 of 100 Days of Loving Men

Day 50 of 100 Days of advice on how to treat men right in relationship and daily interactions with men.

Stop calling men ‘pervs’ and ‘creeps’ and take a look at yourself.

There was a time when I had this fear of what I judged as ‘pervs’. I decided to sit with what I viewed as terror and dissect it. What was I afraid of? Afraid they would do something that I didn’t like? I went deeper with it and found I was afraid they would inquire. I was afraid they would ask me to do something I didn’t want to do. I found this discovery odd so I went deeper. How can I fear someone making a request? Because I judged it as crude? So I should fear that?

Nonsense. So, I kept digging. I came to it, I was afraid of my boundaries being dismissed, I was afraid because I did not stand strong in my boundaries. I was in fear because I did not acknowledge nor trust, my own power. It was not the man I feared, it was myself, my own lack of boundaries. My lack of strongly knowing what I wanted and did not want. My ‘whatever’ attitude towards my own boundaries. My ‘lets see what happens next’ misplaced attitude without knowledge of my boundaries.

Nothing wrong with ‘lets see what happens next’ but that is reserved for those who have taken the time to safely explore their own boundaries with themselves and those they trust. If you throw yourself out into the sexual world and say ‘whatever’ don’t be pissed when that is exactly what you create. If you want love, then be conscious with that intention. If you want to create ‘whatever’ know that you will create absolute chaos. If you’re really empowered with that, so be it. If you’re not, then slow down.

I saw the men and women I judged as ‘pervs’ as no longer that, but in reality those who are exploring new areas of sexuality and perhaps a bit new to certain experiences and so fumbling and awkward. I saw myself as a guide for those people. I guide on my own boundaries that they could never know unless I shared them and guided them on what those boundaries were.

Before you call a man a ‘perv’ or a ‘creep’ look back at yourself and recognize what you are experiencing is your own unhealthy relationship with your boundaries.

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One thought on “Day 50 of 100 Days of Loving Men

  1. When I first joined a BDSM group, I was immediately labelled creepy. All my life people kept their distance from me, and I was aware that it happened, but never understood why. Some befriended me, but most others were uncomfortable by me.

    Long story short, I learned it was because of my behavior, that it creep people out. Growing up, I wasn’t given many oppurtunities to be social with others (overbearing parents), and my step-father required direct eye contact at all times when he spoke. Then after high school I joined the military, which also required the same thing. By my 30’s, I never learned proper etiquette for socializing.

    Often I would constantly look into peoples eyes and remain silent, as I had nothing to add to the conversation. I saw other people being touchy feely, so I did the same thing. The thing was, I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong and people didn’t tell me that I was. When I was finally told, it was because a group of people got together wanting to demand I get thrown out of the group. That is when I learned of my behavior and I felt like a Monster. People assumed that my behavior was intentional, that I did that on purpose, so I must be a creep. Took a lot of effort to convince people to give me a second chance.

    The point of this story is that if someone is overly weird or creepy, they might not be aware they are. What people need sometimes is someone to mentor them and realize they need an opportunity to correct their behavior. Immediately judging them and talking behind their back does no good. Not all who are creepy are like that on purpose and can often be confused warm hearted people.

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