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Challenges are a sacred space,
Treasure to be mined.
Revealing mirror to face,
What I hoped to find.
 
To see in all my seeking,
Things just fell apart.
As struggles started peaking,
Here I found my heart.
 
For all of my frantic searching,
Dark nights of my soul.
Each time it rises lurking,
Journey of diamonds through the coal.
 
Though, yes, hell has many faces
Always I do find
This is the path to my own heart,
A quest yielding much gold in kind.
 
For I am the very treasure.
My quest? Excavate.
And every agony measure,
Holds love for my plate.
 
Cornucopia of sadness,
Soil gives its fruit.
In the dance of life and madness,
Passion finds its root.
 
When the mine may lean to collapse,
It is fortified.
Through vulnerable handicaps,
No part is denied.
 
For miracles look like darkness,
When digging through earth.
Though I’ve found that in this starkness,
I touch my heart hearth.
 
Knowing myself as love is worth
Every challenge here.
For I always return to mirth,
So presence take ear:
 
Grateful for the fears that call me,
Vividly awake.
Grateful for the tears that fall me,
Don’t hide for my sake.
 
Feeling what is broken here now,
Embrace as a strength.
Knowing I am whole in me now,
Loving me in length.
 
It’s OK I may be weak now,
I’m not always strong.
Yet victim I am not, I’ll say.
My gold, yes, is strong.
 
Gifts come in shapes of challenges,
Or gifts come as joy.
Either way what I have found is,
It is treasure, gold, they deploy.
 
Kristal D. Garcia15319283_608721012645808_409079011325465206_n
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I find myself turning to nature and looking. The tree does not ask to be in service. It blooms. Its roots navigate through the Earth until it finds sustenance. It grows flower or fruit and sheds in each season. It is the home of many creatures both large and unseen. Yet it has no capacity to say to the bird, ‘You must perch here. I am the way.’ It has no ability to guide or fix the flight of the bird, it simply blooms. Me with my human consciousness and the ability to guide/fix, do I find myself above nature in such a way that I must aim to play savior to that which simply is? I cannot claim to tell another what they need. Just as the tree is in service simply in blooming, I find this is the way for me.

What does nature inspire in you?

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I ask myself, what does being of service really mean? What does that really look like for me? I find I get caught in the trap of thinking service is telling other people what to do. That just doesn’t sit right with me. What does being of service look like for you?

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Attachment is a form of domination. If I am attached to what you think of me, or of you being in my life there is some suffering currency there. Some form of illusion of control. I cannot control whether you choose to be in my life or not. I can only love you and accept. I accept you here in my life with love and I accept you not here with love. And when I do not, I accept my own humanity and let the pain open me so I can see myself. Ultimately, words of goodbye or not, I know you in my cells and I cannot disappear what is energy, as energy can disperse and is never destroyed. It’s like being in a seven by seven by seven foot ‘room’ and moving an article that is by my side to seven feet away then saying it no longer exists. Goodbye or not, we are each ultimately still on this very planet or on the planes nearby and far away. We will meet one day again, as energy returns to energy or before then if we choose to step out of our heads and into our hearts.
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I am not here to be perfect. I am real, alive and I do not hide what I truly feel and what is truly present for me. I may falter at times as I grow and learn, I am human. I am OK with this not being understood. I embrace all of life not just the seemingly acceptable nor feigned ‘put togetherness’. I embrace the cracks and know the gold of my being. I will feel, share, speak what is true for me. I need no agreement. I stand here in love and acceptance. I’ve spent so much time eluding or making brokenness wrong or bad. That doesn’t hold my heart. I accept all of me as I hold myself as Beloved, as love, and embrace all of me with or without all of the pieces in order.

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Honestly, being on here right now is heartbreaking reading all of the traps, war, threats to each other. The speaking for each other and speaking for groups and pushing of fear is interesting. There is a lot of passion which I acknowledge and my question is this, rather than drawing a line in the sand with illusion of ‘us’ and ‘them’ who is willing to really stand in we are one?

All of the name calling on here and chest puffing where can that passion be placed where it’s not a war against and blanket judgments on each other, rather trusting self and seeing self as powerful? I ask myself this too. As whatever we say right now in this moment has nothing to do with who our president is, what we say right now is who we are.

As I find myself pretty shocked by some things I am reading I ask myself, who am I in this moment? Who am I choosing to be?

I voted for Trump. Does that mean you no longer know who I am? Does that mean you now want me out of your life? I would have to question the truth of such friendship or love if that is the case. Am I suddenly not the love you have experienced with me? Am I no longer the tenderness I have showed you? I would not ever kick someone out of my life for voting for Hillary. That makes no sense to me. I would not hate you for who you voted for, nor make sideways threats and say you disavow me as a person for your choice. We are who we are in every moment. Our actions are not outside of us no matter how right we may feel.

Be careful people, this is very much a divisive way to project ‘you hate me if you voted for ‘x”. It is very easy to use something political or social to wage war and be hurtful. I know what I’m talking about, I’ve done it my whole life. It all only came back to me. I got really clear that I was using it to be right rather than love. I will not look at you as less of a person depending on who you did or didn’t vote for. That’s just not who I choose to be.

We are human we are not going to agree with each other. If we did agree all the time we would have an echo chamber around us and stop growing. Not much love in an echo chamber, just absolute agreement and a high of not being challenged. I’d rather be challenged than be right. I enjoy all of the disagreements of humanity, it’s part of the adventure. I don’t need you to agree with me for me to see love in you. I just don’t.

I also get that people need to say what they need to say. I get it. Just know, you are not going to lose me. I’m not stepping away over who you choose to vote for or not vote for.

I love you.

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uih
Everything screaming shut down
give up
close up
soldier up
armor up
weld up
but I can’t
I can’t close my heart
I won’t.
I’d rather feel the pain
So I do.
And it fucking hurts.
Knocks me to the ground.
I can’t move under the weight of numbness
shock
sounds of faucet in the background, abandoned alive
it takes everything I don’t have to get up
shut off the faucet
and keep going.
this ache in my chest reminding me I have a heart
A heart I will not ignore
Nor chastise
one loyal to my breath
and I am loyal to it
I trust because I am
Nothing can keep me from that
Not even myself.
I choose to live with my heart open.
I accept whatever that means.
uih