I stood at the beach with tears. My long white dress flowing in the wind as I looked across the ocean at the sunset. I cried to God to take away my pain. I stood wanting to fall on my knees with the weight as my tears streamed. Across the way I saw a bright light come across the ocean. I felt Angels behind me. The ocean parted and the large white light was an Angel coming towards me. I walked across the ocean floor, wet sand, all the oceans creatures in the waves standing tall on either side moving and rippling gently. The Angel took my hand and we kept walking comfortably until we reached a cliff. I looked down. It seemed like miles to the bottom. The Angel said:
“If you were to try to go down there without the ocean waves, you would die.”
Then the waves came close around us, I felt anxious for a minute and we were engulfed. My eyes were wide with panic, the Angel smiled and said ‘Breathe’. I did and I found I could breathe underwater. The Angel smiled and dove with my hand in theirs. We were swimming to the bottom for what felt like forever. We reached the bottom and the bright light of the Angel made it so I could see in the bubble of light around us.
I looked around me in awe as I stood at the actual bottom of the ocean floor. A long snake like fish swam around along with beautiful fish I could have never dreamed of. But they were both so beautiful to me as I had never seen either before. And so the monster was just as beautiful as the gorgeous fish and did not feel very scary though I felt it’s power. Both of their power. They each felt different and both were both potently and equally beautiful to me in my eyes. Absolute awe.
“Down here there are monsters and miracles,” The Angel said, “Neither could you reach without the wave. So it is with pain. You humans have this aversion to pain but don’t you see sweet one, this is the very vehicle that allows you to witness the horror and the miracle in a way that you could not otherwise. Without pain as a vehicle, you would die. If you try to make the leap down here without riding the wave of pain, you will not make it. To deny the pain and leap, is certain death. And so, embrace the pain, do not deny it. As it will take you down to where you need to go, it will carry you if you let it. The wave is strong it is powerful and it also soothes, is gentle and will leave you weightless. When you reach here the ocean floor, you will have the dearest moments of seeing the beauty of it all. And so you will. Until the wave brings you back onto the shore to enjoy the sun, to go for a playful swim, to lay on the beach entirely. This is the gift of pain.”
I smiled. I then saw myself surrounded by other Angels here on the ocean floor, making a circle around me. They lifted their wings high underwater and I gasped at the brilliant sight. Then, once again like what had happened before, the wings appeared on my own back and I began to cry.
“You are worthy of your own wings. Don’t forget, every human is an Angel as well. You are an Angel, you are worthy of your Divinity. You all are.”
I didn’t sink to my knees in disbelief and pain this time around. I stayed on my feet and could embrace what they said a bit better. I say they as it felt like even though only one Angel was speaking to me, it felt as if they were all saying it. So I stood there at the bottom of the ocean floor. Embracing my humanity, embracing my Divinity and here I felt the love of me. In this embracement, I touched the love of who I am.