Dear Men, I Kneel At The Feet Of Your Pain.

Men are finally having the courage to come forward. To the men who have come forward sharing your pain, I hear you. Thank you for bringing your voice. I hear your pain, I hear what happened to you and how you are being treated by female predatory behavior. I am so sorry you were hurt this way. When I read your sharings I find it so painful that this has happened to you. I hear you! Your voices matter that you have been victimized matters, that you are shamed for being victimized that your ‘NO’ is met with violence! My god that is horrific. I hear you that you feel trapped. That if you say ‘NO’ to women you are met with violence and shame. I hear you. This is devastating violence enacted onto you and we must all listen. We must hear this. My god I am sorry you were hurt and I am sorry as a society we continue to be so painful in this discussion and resist listening.
I am sorry that there is so much pain being projected onto you, so much anger projected onto you when you come forward in a vulnerable space with your heart bared asking to be heard. To just, be heard. Thank you for being by my side and championing my voice when I’m in pain. Thank you for championing the voices of women as they come forward and holding them with such tenderness and humility. Thank you for your MASSIVE heart space that I see everywhere! Your being is beautiful. Thank you for kneeling at the feet of the pain of women for so long. And though you would never ask me to because it is not your way, I kneel at the feet of your pain. I hear you my brothers and I am so sorry that you have been hurt.
dear men

We Do Not Have To Silence Men To Support Women: Can You Hear Men’s Pain?

I face the unconsciousness that is aimed at men daily, by choice. I choose to do my work and get uncomfortable and look. I do not believe that speaking up about male victims means you don’t support female victims. That bizarre story is just NOT my world.

I also don’t believe that supporting female victims means turning a blind eye to men and our impact as a society in our conversations about men. I don’t believe that supporting women means shaming men, that is just NOT my world either and I have zero interest in it.

Speaking up about how we treat men as a society does NOT mean being against #metoo. What a bizarre concept!! That only ONE can be heard? NOT my world either! I will continue to speak up about male victims and continue to point out the unconsciousness and how we completely silence male victims by projecting that males are criminals simply for being born male. I stand by EXPANDING our conversations to include ALL victims and that means #MenToo

Can you see the innocence of men just as readily as you can see the innocence of women? Can you hear his pain as readily as you can hear the pain of women?

My god where are we as a world if we cannot.


Men, Masculine, Maleness Is Beautiful, Right Now. NOTHING to fix!

There are so many ‘practitioners’ that when they say they ‘support’ men the drive behind it is actually to ‘fix’ men. We have a bad habit as a society of treating men like broken women. Because we have been so bereft of spending time with male energy of actually appreciating masculine and maleness.
As if maleness needs to be ‘fixed’ or ‘supported’ into being like the ideal which has become woman. As a woman I could absolutely just throw my hands up in the air and bask in that sickness if I wanted to. It would support my ego and I would have all the agreement in the world to go along with that rather than face my own shadow. As a matter of fact I did unconsciously do just that for most of my life.
What happens when we actually listen to men?
We have demolished almost all male only spaces. We have shamed male gatherings. Now somehow women are supposed to tell men how to be men? lol Am I supposed to be told how to be a woman? No one can tell me how to be a woman, I just am. No one can tell a man how to be a man, he just is. This bizarre infantalization is so condescending and so broken as if men must come to women to be told how to behave. Sounds like a twisting of mother/child as if men are children and must be shown by ‘mother’ how to be…what?
How is that equal partnership to men?
Men gathering with their brothers is what has been expressed to me by men that men are seeking. Not being reprimanded for not being women or taught to ‘be good’ by men either just being received from the heart by their brothers. Not me telling men what to do that is of course coming from a female perspective and not honoring the differences men and women have.
We need to stop looking at men as if there is something inherently wrong with men for not being women! There isn’t!
Men don’t need a course to be men.
God. Men are naturally just fine as they are. This is so even weird that I have to say something like this. Stop treating men as if men are broken for being male.
Men, masculine, maleness is beautiful and whole as is. Right now. NOTHING to fix!

To Hell With ‘Patriarchy’ Theory

To hell with ‘patriarchy’ theory. It was created by a white woman during the times of the Civil Rights Movement. How disconnected is that? This theory is based on her perception that men just want to dominate women. Well, that may have been her personal viewpoint, that does not make it a perspective to follow as truth.
The reality is ‘patriarchy’ theory has been and is being used to completely dominate men. We have used it to silence men from speaking up and disagreeing with being told they are innately criminals or their very makeup is ‘toxic’. We have used ‘patriarchy’ theory to silence male victims. We have used this theory to gaslight men when men say the theory is not true we have called men ‘misogynists’ for coming forward and sharing their pain.
LISTEN! Patriarchy theory so ingrained in blaming men for all the ills of the world, for their own victimization. This theory enables and normalizes violence towards men. Creates a sick justification of violence towards men because ‘well they invented patriarchy’. No. Some disconnected woman invented ‘patriarchy theory’ based on her panic driven view on society, men and herself. She wasn’t even connected to the female predator and female victims of female predators.
I am calling out ‘patriarchy’ theory as violence towards men. Men are told so much all is their fault, maleness is at fault, that men are left completely silenced when they are victimized especially by women. Men think they are the one’s who did something wrong when a woman raped them and they have no foundation in society to let them know, no, they are not at fault for their rape.
We must recognize that men too have suffered throughout time. We MUST listen to the voices of male victims. The lives of men matter, the pain and victimization of men is real.
Men your voices matter.

Do people really want peace?

Do I believe people want peace? No. Not beyond the superficial self aggrandizing ego patting conversations. Because peace takes self responsibility & self responsibility means being honest with self, & everyone wants to see themselves as the hero not the villain.

If I deny my shadow I deny myself my own love, I deny myself my own recognition of self as powerful creator. How could there possibly be peace if I deny my impact? I would much rather continue to challenge myself to embrace self responsibility. That is my peace.

Rape and Grooming.

There is a terminology in rape that is called ‘grooming’ and it is not just about children. Adults are ‘groomed’ too. The rapist begins with creating a relationship usually where the rapist has created a facade/persona that they wear to gain their victims trust.

Once trust is gained, the rapist continues to groom by slowly breaking down the persons defenses. Often the groomer places themselves as an ‘expert’ of some field that person is not and uses the field as a way to pretend they are in service to people.
In this way the groomer creates an element of they must not be questioned or if they are, they gaslight the victim to believe they just do not understand their ‘expertise’.

Then, once the victim has trusted them, the rapist begins by violating the vulnerable space of trust where the person is in such a tender space, the rapist violates this by coercing and pulling the person towards what sexually gratifies the perpetrator. It can begin non sexual with a touch as simple as touching a shoulder, or moving in close to the person, or saying sweet things. The perp is getting off on this even if it is not sexual as it is part of the grooming. Once the rapist has gotten the person desensitized to their touch, that is when they move in for the assault as in forced voyeurism, unwanted sexual verbal advances and rape.

The groomer often isolates the victim so they are not allowed to speak up and are either shamed silent – this especially happens when there is a dogma attached to it ‘you need to let me do this so you can be a REAL woman’ and also especially when women groom men for rape as our society STILL is waking up about the fact that women rape men and an erection is NOT consent- physically intimidated, blackmailed and so on.

Anything the rapist can come up with to make the victim feel as if they are the one’s who have done something wrong.


A Voice Silenced

The whole reason I’ve been sharing the raw honest pain of the impact of the sex industry is because a friend of mine has had to shut down her voice to stay safe. I wanted to find a way to give her voice in sharing my experience but I didn’t share why I have opened to share like this and so I missed acknowledging the source for all of this conversation and the inspiration for everyone taking a moment to take an honest look at themselves, myself included. She is the reason I have been speaking up. Knowing her pain I had to look and speak up so people will see, the porn industry is not harmless ‘entertainment’. Her powerful voice that spoke up about the raw brutal impact of the sex industry now has to stay hidden because of the sex industry. Think about that.

I know the path of porn addiction does not end with the addict. It rips into the lives of all those involved and the families of those involved too. The reach goes beyond immediate circle and leaves repercussions in society. Porn addiction feeds the sex industry which in turn rips apart people’s lives. There is a deep and painful impact to porn and I guarantee someone close to you is silently suffering.

My friend’s voice on what she has to say about this:

“Pornography use is a life-damaging habit that affects not only the user but also the user’s family and friends. There are many good reasons to take a considerate look at its effects. For example, pornography has been proven to cause or contribute to the following:

Decreased sensitivity toward sexual partners.

Decreased sensitivity and increased tolerance of sexually graphic material.

Increased exposer to incorrect information about human sexuality.

Increased issues in developing unhealthy views about intimacy.

Increase in aggressive or violent in sexual practices.

Increased in sexual abusive toward others.

Increased rise in damaging self behavior.

In addition to the research-based consequences listed above, pornography use may cause feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and shame. It will keep one from living a spiritual life and will interfere self care and healthy practices. It is a saboteur of hopes, dreams, and aspirations. It takes us out of our sacred temples and creates addictive sexual behavior that effects the same part of our brains as opioid abuse.

The subtle touch of a breeze, the hold of a hand.

A love for and with all things precious and innocent being felt by and cared for our sacred inner temples. That is where I am existing free of an industry that has destroyed countless relationships in my life. I am sticking with the trees and the wind. Thank you to everyone who has been a loving friend and has been a part of me just being me.