I face the unconsciousness that is aimed at men daily, by choice. I choose to do my work and get uncomfortable and look. I do not believe that speaking up about male victims means you don’t support female victims. That bizarre story is just NOT my world.
I also don’t believe that supporting female victims means turning a blind eye to men and our impact as a society in our conversations about men. I don’t believe that supporting women means shaming men, that is just NOT my world either and I have zero interest in it.
Speaking up about how we treat men as a society does NOT mean being against #metoo. What a bizarre concept!! That only ONE can be heard? NOT my world either! I will continue to speak up about male victims and continue to point out the unconsciousness and how we completely silence male victims by projecting that males are criminals simply for being born male. I stand by EXPANDING our conversations to include ALL victims and that means #MenToo
Can you see the innocence of men just as readily as you can see the innocence of women? Can you hear his pain as readily as you can hear the pain of women?
My god where are we as a world if we cannot.
Do I believe people want peace? No. Not beyond the superficial self aggrandizing ego patting conversations. Because peace takes self responsibility & self responsibility means being honest with self, & everyone wants to see themselves as the hero not the villain.
If I deny my shadow I deny myself my own love, I deny myself my own recognition of self as powerful creator. How could there possibly be peace if I deny my impact? I would much rather continue to challenge myself to embrace self responsibility. That is my peace.
There is a terminology in rape that is called ‘grooming’ and it is not just about children. Adults are ‘groomed’ too. The rapist begins with creating a relationship usually where the rapist has created a facade/persona that they wear to gain their victims trust.
Once trust is gained, the rapist continues to groom by slowly breaking down the persons defenses. Often the groomer places themselves as an ‘expert’ of some field that person is not and uses the field as a way to pretend they are in service to people.
In this way the groomer creates an element of they must not be questioned or if they are, they gaslight the victim to believe they just do not understand their ‘expertise’.
Then, once the victim has trusted them, the rapist begins by violating the vulnerable space of trust where the person is in such a tender space, the rapist violates this by coercing and pulling the person towards what sexually gratifies the perpetrator. It can begin non sexual with a touch as simple as touching a shoulder, or moving in close to the person, or saying sweet things. The perp is getting off on this even if it is not sexual as it is part of the grooming. Once the rapist has gotten the person desensitized to their touch, that is when they move in for the assault as in forced voyeurism, unwanted sexual verbal advances and rape.
The groomer often isolates the victim so they are not allowed to speak up and are either shamed silent – this especially happens when there is a dogma attached to it ‘you need to let me do this so you can be a REAL woman’ and also especially when women groom men for rape as our society STILL is waking up about the fact that women rape men and an erection is NOT consent- physically intimidated, blackmailed and so on.
Anything the rapist can come up with to make the victim feel as if they are the one’s who have done something wrong.
The whole reason I’ve been sharing the raw honest pain of the impact of the sex industry is because a friend of mine has had to shut down her voice to stay safe. I wanted to find a way to give her voice in sharing my experience but I didn’t share why I have opened to share like this and so I missed acknowledging the source for all of this conversation and the inspiration for everyone taking a moment to take an honest look at themselves, myself included. She is the reason I have been speaking up. Knowing her pain I had to look and speak up so people will see, the porn industry is not harmless ‘entertainment’. Her powerful voice that spoke up about the raw brutal impact of the sex industry now has to stay hidden because of the sex industry. Think about that.
I know the path of porn addiction does not end with the addict. It rips into the lives of all those involved and the families of those involved too. The reach goes beyond immediate circle and leaves repercussions in society. Porn addiction feeds the sex industry which in turn rips apart people’s lives. There is a deep and painful impact to porn and I guarantee someone close to you is silently suffering.
My friend’s voice on what she has to say about this:
“Pornography use is a life-damaging habit that affects not only the user but also the user’s family and friends. There are many good reasons to take a considerate look at its effects. For example, pornography has been proven to cause or contribute to the following:
Decreased sensitivity toward sexual partners.
Decreased sensitivity and increased tolerance of sexually graphic material.
Increased exposer to incorrect information about human sexuality.
Increased issues in developing unhealthy views about intimacy.
Increase in aggressive or violent in sexual practices.
Increased in sexual abusive toward others.
Increased rise in damaging self behavior.
In addition to the research-based consequences listed above, pornography use may cause feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and shame. It will keep one from living a spiritual life and will interfere self care and healthy practices. It is a saboteur of hopes, dreams, and aspirations. It takes us out of our sacred temples and creates addictive sexual behavior that effects the same part of our brains as opioid abuse.
The subtle touch of a breeze, the hold of a hand.
A love for and with all things precious and innocent being felt by and cared for our sacred inner temples. That is where I am existing free of an industry that has destroyed countless relationships in my life. I am sticking with the trees and the wind. Thank you to everyone who has been a loving friend and has been a part of me just being me.