In my shadow I find an experience of myself that is a gateway to wholeness. I do not hide from myself in the ‘light’.
My soul calls out many times and is answered by big love. Big love is fearless, in the face of my self deprecating stories big love denies the illusion.
When I stand defending my castle as the damsel in distress, I am also the dragon guarding it, I am also the castle, as I am the warrior that faces the dragon.
I am the fortress in which I hide, I am the damsel I parade, I am the dragon that breathes fire and I am the soul that calls out for more.
I spent most of my time in a castle of my own creation, expanding my dragon, building stronger walls, in fear of the dragon, in fear of the castle, in fear of being free, in fear of triumph.
But then I realized, there is no damsel. The castle is unnecessary, the dragon just a pet to be seen, the warrior a story. Big love inside of me answered, big love in my life answered calling me out of the castle to come play.
It took charring skin many times until I saw I was the one who held the fire to myself, while those around me were calling out for me to run my hand under the water, I would yell back wanting to burn.
I would say, ‘don’t you see? someone is holding my hand in the flame!’
They would say, ‘don’t you see? you are the flame.’
Until I could receive my own power, until I could see the whole being of me, I refused to own my greatness.
I am owning my greatness. My fire is turning to water, and the fire that comes to cleanse does not burn.
I don’t have to burn anymore, I can just be.