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I’ve climbed across
Upside down
Mountain legs
Hovering by rope
Over cavern
Tempted to surrender to gravity
Refastened my carabiners
Sunset glows on my arms
Breeze cools scalp
Body repurposed
Ease into support
Nothing to do but glide

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Victims of Charleston shooting are big love. This is what love looks like.

I am so moved by this. The moving power of love.

“Although my grandfather and the other victims died at the hands of hate, everyone’s plea for your soul is proof that they lived in love, and their legacies will live in love,” she said. “So hate won’t win.”

I admire the heart these people are who even reached out in support of the attackers family who they recognized as also suffering from what happened. True beauty here. Oh this is what love looks like.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/relatives-charleston-shooting-victims-offer-forgiveness-article-1.2264253?cid=bitly

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Day 88 of Loving Men

Day 88 of Loving Men

Face shame

Whew, another big one. In vulnerability, shame comes present. Rocked me to my knees. And without vulnerability, there is no freedom, no love, no joy.

I tell myself I’m not deserving of the love in my life, not worthy of speaking. The stories tell me to just shut down and shut up.

However, when I do that, I’m keeping love from myself and those in my life including the man I love. To shut down and shut up means I’m withholding love.

To guard myself from vulnerability is not safe, it’s reckless. The opposite of self care. To guard myself I stay prisoner to my shame. In a cage of unworthy.

I have faced my shame. I have opened wounds of my past and brought them into view. I am being honest with myself. I locked myself away feeling unworthy. Shame became an addiction, a habit I didn’t even know I had. And it kept me disconnected.

Now I know when shame is there, it’s time for me to look within and free myself instead of shutting myself down and shutting myself up. I choose to share my love.

*I really recommend the videos I shared on this page by Brene Brown on Vulnerability and Shame

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Day 87 of Loving Men

Be Vulnerable

God, this one is new for me. Terrifying. Sticks my stomach in knots just thinking about it. And yet, completely freeing. There is no love without vulnerability. I cannot stand in love for myself or the one I love without full disclosure.

Fully being open to all I’ve ever either told myself it was unnecessary to share- which is a self lie to be sneaky and not share the truth- or my fear of abandonment said, there is no way I can share that and still be loved.

Without this openness, I cannot receive my own love. Really feel myself filled with it. Feel safe within myself. Feel whole within myself. Vulnerability is the essence of aliveness.

*I really recommend the videos by Brene Brown on Vulnerability and Shame

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Missing

Every dance of pain has it’s innocence

Reckless rabid abandon

My footsteps burned ground

Hover do not land

Branches aflame can not be landed on

Yes from No

Play pretend

Stay away

Just close enough to scar me

It was mine

I never said you could have it

There was no invitation

Then it was missing

I lived this missing

Replayed

Pantomime

Child photograph

Remade

Play re-casted

Ignoring blade to soul

Dress up pretty

Eyeliner perfect

Make sure hair looks just right

Untouched

Good.

Now you’re ready for cannibal feast.

Never mind

Eyes on lights, glitter

Music pulses salvation in den of despair

Find reflection under liquid

Dance

Dance of the dead

Make sure you dance it right little girl

Or there will be no safety for you tonight

Show me

No, the way I said to.

Get over it

Detach

Why do you care?

You can create all you want as long as it fits my meal

I don’t need you

Just your body

You can leave if you like, here I’ll show you the door

Welcome to the party.

What could I know of what I never knew could be

I find myself deeply aware

Of what was never there

Breathing in my breath

Shivering in my skin

Landing

I am novice.

Touching my being with softest touch

Catching tears in rainbow class cups

Captured by pool alchemy of being

Love has whispered

Called

Stood looked me in the eyes

I could not meet gaze

Now she speaks in me

Travelling length through aching throat

From parched lips

Soul filled

Seen

Replies fervent yes from most hidden part of me

Called

From within

Undeniable

Heard from song of hearts

Held precious in a love that transcends every human facade

Treasured in arms that hold me true

Caresses my soul

Comet kiss Beloved

Whispering names of stars in my palm

Face touched by brilliant lights

Souls of kin sparkle way

Stepping into what was missing

Finding it was always there

Fresh eyes

Call me to now

The world shatters around me once more

Every perception rocketed deep into earth

Geyser returned spilling

Drenching torrential

This is what free looks like

Called

I’m here

I am the space between droplets of rainstorm