Day 63 of 100 Days of How to Treat Men Right

Get naked.

When you love someone you get naked not just your body, I’m talking soul. That means baring every part. The real and raw.

Some have misconstrued being raw with your partner to mean being a hellcat with no respect for boundaries and no care how their voice lands on their partner the whole ‘I’m just going to be me’ excuse. Well, those who are committed to spewing every thought at their partner with no regard to if what they are about to say is hurtful are just being abusive under the false story of being ‘raw’ or ‘real’. Such actions are actually neither real nor raw, they are
abusive. Getting attached to being right and shutting down listening is also not being ‘real’. It’s a wall of defense.

To get naked one must lay those walls down. It takes getting uncomfortable, letting go of being right and actually getting real. That can be very scary to be defenseless and when you love someone that’s the best place to be.

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Wings

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Wings

Boys are born with beautiful wings
Ready to soar explore and fly
Stretching their reach as they maneuver
Eager excited to feel gifts of their new world
Little hands exploring trees, grass, sea foam
Smiles broad, looking up to share ‘look what I did!’
Thrilled to see approval of those they hold dearest to heart
Safe with such love, happiness brewing
Fluttering wings while face on grass, bliss in being,
Enchantment with life itself
Wings gently growing

What do you do to nurture such precious wing span?
Do you support his being?
Show him the beauty of his flight?
As he explores soaring in the clouds,
do you guide him in maneuvering the winds?
Or tell him the wind is not his to feel?
That the Earth is not his, that he should not take pleasure,
that his wings are not necessary?
Do you smooth his feathers when he’s rattled or pluck them?
Can he have his wings in your world?
Can you watch him fly?

Little boy looking out the window, your wings are beautiful
Fly

Kristal D. Garcia

Why do I write ‘100 Days of How to Treat Men Right’?

Ooh it’s been quite the whirlwind of busy! As you all know I’m researching for my book ‘Loving and Celebrating Men’, I’ve shared a link to the page as well. I will be resuming writing ‘100 Days of How to Treat Men Right’ and it will be available every Friday night until the 100th Day is complete.

Thank you for your patience!

Also, I’ve received feedback including some asking what my FB page’The Return of Femininity’ is about and asking why am I  writing 100 Days. Well, for a couple of reasons:

1) to support men and women reconnecting. In society we’ve been so focused on survival and systems were set in place to do so. This caused rifts between men and women and no I’m not saying ‘patriarchy’, I’m talking about survival systems to further humanity put in place from which both men and women suffered from however, men were blamed for this and women treated as victims of survival. The human history is filled with strife from which no human was exempt from. Of course, it was also filled with beauty that is unique to human creation.

2) to share my knowledge with women (and all those this resonates with) so that women can get information here that took me many, many, years to get to myself and many messes. If what I share can be seen and used as a shortcut, I’m happy to assist. Messes are beautiful too and they are quite the deep process. If one person gets an ‘aha!’ from what I write, awesome!

3) to support men being seen and received by women. We don’t have much in our society that supports women being open hearted with men, and we need to. I have been told I write this and I don’t care about women I just write about men because I only care about men. I do care about men, very much, and that does not negate my care for women. I created an entire page called ‘The Return of Femininity’ with intention of supporting women. And guess what? Women like to be with men and women interact with men, we are all on the same planet and if I can support this connectivity, great! That’s what I’m here for.

I know that in our society there is little support for women opening their hearts to men. For decades there have been extremely nasty books written about men that furthered the divide between men and women. There have been many writers shaming femininity and dare we women embrace this beautiful part of who we are, we must be weak? I don’t think so. Now, I’m in no way shaming women who do not identify with femininity, to each their own. For me I spent many years not able to connect with my femininity as if it meant weakness. I was a Stripper and when I dressed up I felt like a woman in drag as a woman. Ha! It was after some time I started to play with feminine attributes, and that is unique for each woman, how cool? Each woman knows what femininity looks like for her or if she doesn’t all the answers are within her, I can’t tell each woman what that means, however, I can guide and support the embrace of individual unique femininity.

I created the page ‘The Return of Femininity’ to support a sisterhood with no hierarchy, a strong basis of loving men and nurturing each other.

Much love,

Kristal

Loving and Celebrating Men:

https://www.facebook.com/LovingandCelebratingMen

The Return of Femininity:

https://www.facebook.com/returnofwomen

Day 62 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right

Stop trying to make men ‘better’ by ‘helping’ them.

Men do not need to be ‘better’ and they don’t need ‘help’. There is a difference between ‘help’ and ‘support’. To ‘help’ someone comes from a place of fixing. As if they need you to correct who they are. No one needs that, men don’t need that. Support comes from a place of acknowledging someone’s needs and being a stand for their needs to be. If you want to support the needs of men that is a different story than coming forward feeling you need to ‘help’ men. Again, men don’t need your help, that is arrogant.

Men don’t need more women saying ‘this is what I think you should do and then you will be who you want to be!’. No. Stop it. Men don’t need to be outside of who they are now. Instead saying ‘who do you want to be?’ come to men with acceptance and knowledge that men are wonderful right NOW. If you can’t accept men for who they are, you are not supporting men with who they are. It is instead telling men they need to change to be seen, heard, loved.

It’s up to men to create what they want, not women to create what they want men to be.

What you can do as a woman is LISTEN. If you want to support men, listen to what men are saying they need. That means being receptive. This means slowing down and also takes letting go of being right. Often when men share what they need women take it personal as men are saying ‘you are wrong’. No, men are simply telling you what they need! You are turning it into a story of you being wrong!

It would be amazing if it weren’t so warped. I have seen so many women shut down their listening of men because what men are saying they need, conflicts with what they think men need coming from their perspective as women! All you are doing is saying ‘you don’t know what you need you men, I’m a woman, I know what you need’. Thus, these women get in the trap of feeling ‘wrong’ then defending their views INSTEAD of listening to the men who are speaking what they need!

It’s awful and it dismisses the voice of men. What ends up happening is these women create a harem of men and sell their story to them that they need fixing. This is the ultimate predator mode. Preying off of the pain of men and selling them a way to ‘fix’ themselves. I know that not all those who do this are conscious of it, I don’t care. It’s not OK and I’m letting you know right here and now. If you can face the reality of what is happening and yes, it’s going to be confronting to you- good! -then you will find how you can really support men. If you refuse to listen and shut down when faced with the reality of what you are doing, then I take your predatory nature as willful. I do not support such ‘practices’ as this that exist under the arrogance of ‘helping’ when in fact they end up just feeding the ‘Queen Bee’ ego.

Men, keep your eye out for this farce. If you are approached by a woman who says she knows how to make you ‘better’ or how she can ‘help’ you, walk away. Only you know what’s best for you, no one can tell you that. If someone wants to support you, they can do so in listening to what YOU need not what they THINK you need.

Coming from ‘helping’ puts this woman on a pedestal as if they know what men need. No, only MEN know what men need. Those who really support men will not say men need ‘help’. Men don’t need ‘help’. Men are perfect just the way men are right NOW.

I’ve noticed there are those who support men and those who think men need to be ‘fixed’ or ‘helped’. Men don’t need fixing nor ‘helping’. Women, if you want to really know what men need, then LISTEN. Pull down your walls and hear men. Don’t just respond, hear them, take it in and self reflect. Stop trying to be right! You’re not! You cannot know what a man needs more than a man! It’s arrogant and quite frankly disrespectful. If you keep on that, you will not be able to hear the wisdom of men.

It’s OK to not be right on everything-go figure! If we were, we would never learn. If being right is more important than listening to men, then you are NOT a stand for men. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to the men around you.

Day 61 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right

Receive the innocence of men.

Innately, with no effort at all, men are innocent. Men are people, of course, and yes every individual takes getting to know, etc. What I’m talking about is the innate nature of men is innocence. We live in a society that does not acknowledge this and that is a crime against men.

Do you recognize how many times a man places his innocence in your hands? Let’s slow down for a minute and think on this. Even the simple act of opening a door for you a man can face rejection, that is his innocence in your hands. When a man takes the time to come over and say hello, you don’t know what courage it may have taken for that man to do so, he just placed his innocence in your hands. For a man to be in relationship with you, that is very much him placing his innocence in your hands. When he says ‘I love you’, that is his innocence in your hands. Are you healthy enough to receive his innocence and honor his innocence?

Who are you when men place their innocence in your hands? How do you respond? Are you conscious? Or are you self righteous? That man who came over to say hello, how did you handle his innocence? Did you dismiss without acknowledgement? Or did you take the time to fully receive his innocence and say a sincere thank you while expressing your interest, or your interest in having a conversation if nothing else? What would it take to ask him to sit down and havea conversation with him and hear about his day after he took the risk of rejection to approach you? Daily there are men placing their innocence in your hands and society is so, that this innocence is not acknowledged and worse, spit on.

Nobody wants to hear ‘you’ve got work to do’, but you do. We all do. I am consistently in self reflect and that looks messy sometimes, but I keep at it. Why? I want to. When you work on yourself, you move into awareness. Move into awareness, your perspective shifts. You shift your perspective, your life shifts. Shift your life, keep opening your heart, you live the life you want. Live the life you want you inspire others into opening their hearts, expanding their awareness and living their authentic lives. Every moment is a chance to start fresh.

There’s a difference between talking about the heart and being in it. It may take practice, yes, but you have a lifetime, why not start now? It may come and go, it may come in moments but the more you practice, the more you let yourself be vulnerable, the more you will be able to feel past your old stories, break down walls of old stories you’ve had about men.

Men are innocent, criminals are guilty. When you are able to make that distinction you will be closer to healing. If you cannot fathom that sentence, you have much work to do. If you cannot see the innocence of men, there is a hole that needs fixing. There is pain to be addressed that is being projected onto all men. Do your work.

Men are innocent, but it’s you that needs to do the work to see it. Not they who have to do the work to prove it.

Day 60 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right

Day 60 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right

Surrender.

Let go. Embrace your femininity and surrender. Let go of the illusion of control. There is a beauty in full sensual surrender to your partner. A trust of him and of yourself. Bowing to the beauty within yourself, and the beauty of who he is. Feeling the power of who he is, acknowledging the power of you are in surrender.

Your self acknowledged power doesn’t always need to be a competition. And beyond sensual surrender, is learning to surrender to the wisdom of the man in your life. That does not mean you do not also have wisdom to share, of course you do. It means receptivity to his innate wisdom as well. Surrender is not subjugation, that is a hurtful misconception that drives many women to not surrender. Surrender is an inner peace with yourself and your partner even if it comes at first only in moments. The practice of surrender is enriching.

Instead of the balance of surrender women have been encouraged to ram into their partners instead of mix in with their partners. Surrender allows you to fully receive your partner and experience him fully and experience yourself fully.

You cannot fully know yourself, if you have not surrendered to your partner on some level.

Deep surrender takes time and practice for some. With this deep surrender there is an deeper connection and intimacy with the man in your life. It is also a deep sign of trust. Trusting yourself to surrender, trusting your partner as you surrender to him. Trust his knowledge as you would trust yours. Trust him intimately as you would trust yourself. Surrender.

Day 59 of 100 Days of Advice on How to Treat Men Right

Be Sensual.

On Day 12 I wrote about being sexy, sensuality goes deeper than just being sexy. Being sexy is very good, being sensual is a feeling that touches your core. Being sensual is deep connection with your own body, your self enjoyment and absolute receptivity to your sensual self. In this you open up to the sensuality of life itself. Feeling the breeze on your skin as a sensual dance.

When you are sensual you will approach your partner as sensuality and receptivity. In your interaction with him- remember him. He is the man you fell in love with. Feel your inner fire throughout your body and you will be able to share this with your lover/partner in the simplest touch or action or word. When you let yourself savor your own sensuality you will be able to share it with ease.

Sensual as you walk out in the world too, receiving the richness of life around you the beauty of people around you, the beauty of men around you.

When you are aware with your sensual self, drunk with your own sensuality, go to your partner and share your sensuality with him. Show him you remember who he is to you, his heart, his being, him. Man and woman lost in each other, savoring sensuality.